by, 02-22-2012 at 03:20 AM (210 Views)
I don't know where to post this so I'm going to post it here.
I have a huge difficulty expressing my emotions overtly. That's not to say that I literally walk around with a stone face all the time (although most of the time I do). It's kind of weird, because that's far from being reflective of my inner emotional state. In fact, I often feel like I'm so sensitive to the point of butthurtiness, and I've had a few T people actually tell me this. I don't have a problem with the "Se emote" or emote in a way that's deemed socially appropriate for the situation or whatever, but it's just that the raw, genuine emotions that I feel deep inside of me cannot be expressed externally in a way that does it justice.
When I was growing up, I too often felt like I was alone in this turbulent sea of feelings, and that [I]nobody[/I] feels the way I do because [I]nobody[/I] else can feel the range or depth of emotions that I feel. I cried out for help and it felt like nobody came, so over time I learned to cope with it. To me, to tell somebody that they 'lack empathy' is one of the worst things that I can say to anyone because it's probably the worst thing somebody could ever say to me, but over the years as I become more externally aware, it's starting to become apparent to me that I may appear exactly like that to other people, simply because I have a lot of difficulty being overtly emotional. To even entertain that thought is horrifying to me. It also makes me question exactly what makes me think somebody is emotional. Maybe I have a bunch of inner criteria that's not conscious to me that I use to determine who are empathetic and sensitive, and it needs a lot of digging.
I dunno I hope this makes sense, it's a bit of a mess at the minute.