Jess Jas

I like to think I am pretty aware of who I am, I have devoted much time over the past into changing many thought and behavior patterns that effect me negatively, building self esteem and self awareness. I have been speaking with a Councillor over the past couple months which is my final step into change. So far so good :)
There is one thing that I cannot seem to fight, no matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I throw Myself in social situations, I just don't feel a sense of belonging, I feel uncomfortable, anxious, and out of place. I feel like people can sense this in me, they are judging me or will think I'm strange, I feel completely alone sometimes. With this one I just can't seem to pin point why, I have trouble making friends and trusting people. Due to lifestyle differences, My childhood friends are no longer friends at all. I have family (cousins my age) a spouse and a few close friends that I keep that I am fine with one on one interaction and that's as far as my social life goes, So I find any excuse I can to bail out of social events that go beyond one on one interaction. My significant other has quite a large social circle, I find I am often perceived as stuck up to his group of ppl, and really I am in no way stuck up, I'm a very accepting and open minded person, I'm just uncomfortable and quiet meeting new people. I can even count how many times I have heard, "When I first met you I thought you were stuck up, or a bitch"
Anyway, any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated :) thanks !!!