Jawz

I don't know of anything suitable to say here, so I'm just letting you know that I read it. :sad:

i am so sorry to hear this, Jawz. :( i do not know what to say but my heart grieves with you. *hugs*

Ni can light a path to hope if your mind can travel down the trails of positive possibilities. what you fear is not inevitable, and any unexpected twist in the road can change everything you anticipated, and multiply your possibilities. life can surprise us in good ways as well as bad ways ~ think of the wonderful gift life has given to you in @Etherea .

all of us your friends here love you much and are here for you. please, please don't give up.

I know your leg is hurting.....but......just don't forget about your wings. You know, the ones you were telling me about? I guess it's your turn to utilize them. :]

I'll be here for you if you need anything at all, Jawz.

*hugs* That must be very frustrating and painful, but on the bright side, there are things you are good at that probably don't require the use of your legs. For example, your music is amazing. Your value is not dependent on your mobility, even if you end up unable to start a career that involves a lot of movement. I have confidence that no matter what happens, you will find a way to make your life worthwhile.

Firstly, what's the success rate of that surgery?
What are the chances that you will suffer severe/ irreversible damage to your good leg from the autograft procedure?

It's a very difficult thing to go through, and it's just a very stressful situation overall. I trust your strength and judgment. I had shared these verses by Allama Iqbal last year. They communicate all I have to say to you, in encouragement, inspiration and more:

Girte hain Sheh-Sawar hi Maidan-e-Jung main
Woh Tifl kya gire jo ghutno ke bal chale


Another one for you:

Tundi-e baad-e-mukhalif se na ghabra ay uqaab
Ye tou chalti hai tujhay ooncha uranay ke liye”

Trans (for everyone else): Don’t fear the intensity of the opposing-wind, O’ Eagle
It only blows to help you fly even higher.


I am here for you, and you know it. You can contact me anytime. I know that you'll rise above this adversity and succeed in life, no matter what, Inshallah. *hugs*

A lot of what I do on my course is evaluating risks against benefits; for the outcome which I'm about to receive is it worth everything I'm going to have to give? And yeah, even though my one real skill in life is that I see things in black and white, sometimes life throws you a real old humdinger. I hate it when that happens.

The problem is not that we don't know in our hearts what we really want, it's more that there really is no way of knowing how the future is going to pan out; the idea that at the end of the day we're all just freefalling through life, that all of the choices we make are half-chance and that we're always going to owe a little bit of our sucess (or failure) to the circumstances we were born into is scary. Nobody really wants to face it.

To be honest, this time last year I really wasn't coping with life at all - even though the decision to study the oddball course I applied to had started out so fantastically well, in an instant it turned sour. All I can say is that since I've kind of started to believe in my own weird and fruity version of fate, that for whatever reason life has lead me down this path. Everytime I feel scared or worried I've learnt to tell myself a little six-worded phrase: 'No matter what, you'll be okay'.

Jawz, whatever happens, you're going to be okay. The only person who can tell you that you're not going to be is you, not your ex-wife and certainly not some damned quack of a knee-surgeon. Just because this procedure doesn't happen or work out that doesn't mean that modern medicine won't pull something else out of it's sleeve for you, nor does it mean that you are going to be confined forever -

Whatever path we lead and wherever it takes us there is one thing which we all share in common: Life is the greatest thing that will ever happen to us.

Well I'd say it's worth it to go through with the surgery but...I don't know too much about it. If it were me I think that is what I would do. Maybe you can get a second opinion.

Try to find things to take your mind off this too or you'll drive yourself nuts. Things may not turn out the way you planned or thought they would but that's life for ya. I know none of this is easy. I can only imagine what you are going through. Try to remember all the things you are thankful for every day too when you are struggling to feel positive. That always helps me. I believe in you and I know you can overcome any obstacle you face in life. You've already shown that. Yes, you'll have your moments of weakness but they do not define you. So allow yourself to despair over it but only for a minute, then let it go. But I really don't have to tell you this because I already know you will. And if you need support you know we're all here.

I love you.

-Jacquie

The wind blows strong
The wind blows cold
The wind never blows
as it is told.
Can pull you up
Can knock you down
Can turn your path
completely around.
Can save your day
Shed Light to your day!
Clear up all that blocks your way!
Can screw you up
Drain your Hope
Torment you so you can no longer cope.
"I can no longer cope.."..just as you say
The wind blows round the other way!

We are all here for you Jawz bhai, and so are many more people and many more things.Straighten yourself back up..What's to fear when you have done it so many times before?! =))))))))))

Oh Jawz, I'm sorry to hear that, but I know at a certain point in your life it will all be better. Life is a continuous fight and struggle, I feel like that too sometimes. There are jobs who require less physical activity so, who knows, maybe you will find something suitable for you, it doesn't have to be such a big impediment. Also, I went to a job workshop, they said an average individual changes his job at least 3-4 times and by change, I mean different career path. Truth is, nobody stays in the same line of work they started in, things change throughout the time, so it's normal you may find yourself jump starting your career at a later age.

@Razvan, @violetta, @shampoo, @Vivid Melody, @seastallion, @Happy about Nothing., @Boss, @Falling Leaves, @snail, @Niccolo Machiavelli

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. It means a lot to me. I'm starting to feel better about it.

Oh yeah, just as a side note, the guy who mentioned that started off finishing medical faculty and trying to get into teaching what he learned but couldn't because of corruption, worked as a mechanical engineer because he loved cars and fixing them, worked in banking and now he's working in social media and he's also a sort of a coach. Most of his time he spends online. Did you ever consider to start a blog or something in social media? But you have to have a passion for the internet too. It could be something you can use your expertise in, for example from your previous jobs in tv, you can analyse the changes in television and entertainment and with a touch of politics and if you can offer people some value and put soul into it, they will read you. It's an idea...

I'm sorry that you're going through this Jawz. Just continue to take it day by day though! There are always advances being made in medicine and in our understanding of the human body. As for your career and your concerns about it starting later in life - many of the most successful people that I know tried on a few career hats before they found something that worked and for many it was later in life. I know I always suggest this, but I'll suggest it again :) Holistic treatments might help - anything that can increase circulation without your having to get up and move around. Massage especially, acupuncture, cleanses, etc. They certainly won't cure anything, but they may help with pain management and in slowing deterioration. I still recommend vitamins to counter your medications as well. Hang in there and just take it day by day.

You ask, "what's the point of having all the potential in the world if it keeps getting taken all away?" You know...I think you are still underestimating what potential you [i]do[/i] have. Whoever said your potential was only based on what your legs gave you? I mean, yes, not having ability in your legs will prevent you from doing certain things. But that does not, in any way, delimit your potential. In fact, I think it makes you stronger. It may suppress the potential to be a star track runner, but really - do you care about being a star track runner?

My thoughts is that you are focusing too much on what 'potential' means to you in your current area of work...and forgetting what natural talents you might have that others do not. Go back and read the interview you did for PerC back in November - when you listed your strengths and positives, how many of those do your leg interfere with? Does having a crippled leg stop you from being a more empathetic, more emotionally strong person who has made it through pains and can teach and spread love to others?

My point is, is that failure in one area does not limit you from success in another. My best friend recently wasn't able to join the military - which was his dream - and now he has to start looking at other options for careers. But I know his skills aren't limited to physicality (which, for medical reasons, he is not allowed to join the military). I think, at the roots, his greatest strength is his willpower. And willpower can be applied to everything.

I want you to go look up Nick Vijucic. Dude's got no limbs but he goes around doing inspirational speeches. In a way, this is me suggesting you this as an option, but I want you to remember the point behind what I am trying to say - your potential is exceeding and don't forget that. Life just throws you curveballs and you might have to apply that potential and energy somewhere else. There are openings everywhere - don't get caught up in the failure foxhole.

Life can take your legs, but it can't take your heart ;) (and if it could, you'd be dead if it did, so what does it matter anyways :laughing:)

@Jawz I know I rarely talk to you, but you have been a continuous presence on this forum. I don't have anything but hugs and poems for you, for what they're worth. I'm sorry you're going through all this. :(

------

sorrows – by Lucille Clifton

who would believe them winged
who would believe they could be

beautiful who would believe
they could fall so in love with mortals

that they would attach themselves
as scars attach and ride the skin



sometimes we hear them in our dreams
rattling their skulls clicking their bony fingers

envying our crackling hair
our spice filled flesh



they have heard me beseeching
as I whispered into my own

cupped hands enough not me again
enough but who can distinguish

one human voice
amid such choruses of desire

----

This Heavy Craft
by P.K. Page

The wax has melted
but the dream of flight
persists.
I, Icarus, though grounded
in my flesh
have one bright section in me
where a bird
night after starry night
while I'm asleep
unfolds its phantom wings
and practices.

@Jawz

Sorry bro, that must be tough to go through.

Like you, I've been struggling with health problems, however, for me a busted back. It was from heavy lifting from work.

My advice, never stop trying to get better, and don't let it kill ya. Fighters keep fighting. Do you follow the NBA at all? Tracy Mcgrady Screwed up his knee pretty badly, and what he could do on one leg, is better than what most people can do.





Notice now, he developed a good left hand, and his 3pt % field goal has gone up significantly from years past.

No fear bay bay.

I'm a basketball player myself, funny part is, after, it happened, I got better it certain areas of my game. Lots of times, when I'm going to sleep I'd have to sift my hips at precise angles, just to get into bed. On the court, for whatever reason now, I can stay on my defender so easily, and my hands are really quick, but that's due to something else, I do a lot of kick boxing and I'm pretty sure that helped me develop quicker hand motions. But staying on my defender, I know it's partly due to my back problem!

Never, give up man! I know your attitude and demeanor, don't let it limit what you can do, or even limit your mindset!

:)

Doctors can be real idiots sometimes. I am not an MD, so I am not in a position of authority to give medical guidance. I don't know if certain things make pain worse for you. For me, my emotions certainly make things worse. I can say that after many years, I am better, though there is still a lot of work to be done. I am not a fan of doctors who make doom and gloom predictions for their patients. I don't know how informative this surgeon is, but if he is lacking the proper information, then that is a doctor who is misguiding patients. When I was told I was doomed- and believed it- I was at my worst, physically. When I said, "Enough is enough" and stopped seeing the misinformed buffoons, things started to improve. That said, I am not "cured". In my case, I don't know what the outcome will be. But I tend to think that MDs who are being extremists (either of the positive, or of the negative), do not have all their facts straight.

Please do not give up. Research yourself if you must. I know with me, I've had to do a lot of the work myself, and it is frustrating. But voicing my displeasure eventually got people to listen to- and start helping- me. Sometimes, patients can become very informative advocates about their own conditions.

Hey Jawz.
I just read this and it upset me quite a bit.
I hope things feel better for you now inside.
I also understand how you feel in some ways - I don't have your medical problems, but I have my own insight into what you were saying about not feeling you will reach your potential and that time is somehow slipping away from you. And it sucks. Big time.
I will try to make some time to do something I have been meaning to do for a while - not much of a thing, but I feel like a few people deserve it, and you are definitely one of them.
Sorry to be so cryptic!

@Tortured, I am so sorry about your leg!:( That sounds devastating! I'm sorry I'm so late in reading this -- haven't been checking anything but occasionally the 4 forum.