Ever since I was young I would squint my eyes whilst looking in the mirror and try to envisage what the future holds...looks-wise, and more importantly, personality-wise. I know what you're most likely thinking, crazy. Mad. Psychological issues? Perhaps.
Even now, years on, I still stare at my reflection thinking to myself...is this who I am? Am I being true to myself? And somehow I feel that I am not. The person staring back at me, is not really me. I've never told anyone this, and it may
You could call it withdrawn. Some may argue it's simply anti-social. It may even come across as boring...but I for one, love being alone.
Nobody is ever truely alone anyway. Whether you believe in God or not, nobody is ever fully alone. We all have our thoughts, our feelings, our souls. Why is it then that whenever I simply decide to spend quality time "alone" I'm criticised?
Perhaps other's simply don't understand the concept of self discovery...or is it me? Am I withdrawn?
The logic: my friend never turned up to our 2pm arranged meeting time today. 4pm passes, no sign. Must have been busy. Ill? Tired? Tired of who?...Me?
The heart: I conciously make every possible move to not dissapoint anyone, the people pleaser, that's me. Why is it then that I'm never the pleased person? Of course it's not my friend's fault, there must be a reason I'm consistantly and without fail let down. Falling deeper. And deeper.
Perhaps it's a sign. Perhaps my purpose is simply
I'm sleeplessly laying in bed. 2:30 am. The rational side of my brain is telling me, demanding me, to go to sleep. Just fall asleep for goodness sake!
But I can't.
No matter how hard I try, my body just wont shut down. Physically? Yes. Mentally? No. I can't stop thinking.
You could call it sleeping with your eyes wide open I guess? You know, the imagination.
Scenario after scenario I'm dreaming wide awake.
The future. The choices I must make
For days, months, even years of my life I've felt misunderstood, alone and perhaps even an outcast as the busy world flies by. Even though I may not fit in, I try. I desperately try to adhere to the perfection I set myself, only to fail constantly. But I try again. And again. And once more.
Despite the loneliness the busy world ironically brings to me, I always manage to make other's feel less lonely. I always manage to help others. The satisfaction is honestly one of the biggest joys in