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Such a beautiful little orchid flower....

I know that it is just fun, to you, and that you mean no harm.

But you dont know, how much it torments me.



You dont know the memories it brings back.
The memories I want to die, the memories I want to crumble, and blow away gently away on the wind. How much I want to be whole, how much I want to....

Two consenting adults. Two friends, who care for one another. Who only mean for a bit ...

Gorgeous, golden-orange yellow light!!!
The sky set smouldering, gilded gold. Lustrous, rich. And so, so beautiful.
Its all shines from the rain; smells fresh, rich and full.
The horizon, all shapes layered and hazy in pale rust bronzes and oranges.
Birds flit across to find their evening roosts,
The spires of the church, reach silhoueted through the factory smog.
In a moment, it is all gone.
As the sun sinks beneath a bank of cloud, pulling back its irridescnt ...

Concentrating on work is difficult for me. I think my mind naturally buzzes and skims and twitches over massive web and light and colour and thought and feeling, and narrowing it down to a certain point is very stressfull for me.

I was thinking yesterday - how unfair, this is how others are naturally, cant I work the way I naturally do? Surely, theres a way it could work....

Everything would probably make lots of sense, and non at all, at the same time. It'd be that kind ...