Softening my stance, shutting up my Fi, and understanding what others teach me.
by, 07-05-2010 at 12:14 PM (489 Views)
As always, it sadly seems, I can be so slow.
Part of this is a rampant Fi (no, this is not some new sex toy) that wont allow the hurt of others to penetrate through my own pain.
A week or so back a dear friend expressed herself and shared her situation with me. I knew there was something in what she was telling me. Connections were being made and emotions were being stirred. I was not a good place when my friend shared this and I think I got the message but missed the point.
I almost became angry, ALMOST, instead I got very hurt. For her yes, and her situation, and everyone involved. But mostly it hurt me, because it opened something and since I was already dealing with what it opened. everything just kind of blended together and I missed the point.
When I am hurting it can be overwhelming, I know this is hardly unique.
I know that when I am hurting and people I care about are hurting, I can take on their feelings too. This is empathy, and this is hardly unique either.
But there are times (lately too often) where If I am already overwhelmed, that their feelings can almost seem invasive and I can almost hold it against them, ALMOST.
What does happen is that, if everything blends, I end up forgetting the starting point, forgetting who owns what, and I guess this where projection begins.
While I don't lose sympathy,empathy or just plain old understanding, I am lost to feeling compassion.
I have no compassion for myself, and if their struggles and hurts become mixed with my own, and I cannot separate them, my compassion for others gets lost in my lack of compassion for myself.
Today another dear friend (really much more than a dear friend) reminded me to feel compassion to those who hurt me.
And then it hit me. (like it does)
2 dear friends talking about something completely unrelated on the surface and yet I make a connection and finally understand something.
It can be seen as hypocrisy,manipulation, contradiction of one's own values OR.. and it's a seriously big fucking OR, I can feel some compassion and thus open myself to true empathy.
Both of my dear friends are conflicted and I can empathize with that.
Conflict is not the same as hypocrisy,manipulation or contradiction of one's own values, It just looks the same.
So I can soften my stance to YOU.
Inner conflict was the theme, and in my own suffering with it, I didn't recognize it in you.
For that, I can offer my 1st real apology to you.
I am sorry for not seeing your struggle for what it really was and taking it very personally, especially when all I had to do was look at myself.