INFJoshua

i'm sitting 6 feet from a piano in an empty apartment. i go over there every once in a while and try to figure out bits of a song, but i've lost all musical motivation. i used to dedicate hours to learning songs on the piano at a time, but now i can't stand to do it. the same thing has happened with guitar and bass. there is just something broken inside. like all of my energy is flowing inward to try and fix this conflict so that i have nothing left to give to the instruments. it's been about a year now and getting worse. think i'll get up and try again when i'm done here.

my friend is trying to cheer me up. i just told her that i can't text her anymore because i'm in love with another woman who has shut off contact until i'm mature enough for her. i tried to explain to my friend that if i'm not in contact with the girl i love than i will be cold and lonely, and if she is keeping me warm in her absence then my heart will be tempted and i'll feel guilty. i think she understood. but this still really sucks!! i'm loosing my girlfriend and my best friend at the same time even though i didn't do anything wrong. if i had cheated or been a huge dick or something than it would make sense. but i didn't do anything ugghghg!!!!! whatever