Heresy

Subjective:-
I am not of your types. No man is of your types.
I am a master of tools. You have seen my skills in the arts, the martial and the musical.
You have seen me travel 30 miles, to and fro, three times a week for 6 years to practice self defence.
You have seen me give it up.
You have seen me win in sparring, you have seen me lose in kata; all against the odds.
You have seen me pick up the guitar and the piano to create a complex melody that came from no where and gave silence to the room. And to, you have seen my inability to tune a guitar.
You’ve seen my hyper-sensitivity to music and art. You’ve seen my innate inability to draw or make lines fit.
You to have seen me traverse the mountains for weeks on end. I felt the beauty of the lake. The way it looks like a black mirror. The colours of the lake. I delighted thinking of it’s H2O, hydrogen bonding. I got bored of all the subjective in my hike and starting creating imaginary missions which I was on, wishing that I was an assassin, envisioning imaginary characters.
You have seen me take off on my bike for hours just to be alone. Sometimes when I was younger to cry. Mostly to think. Always to consider. Always to appreciate.
You have seen the extent of my gregariousness. My lack of introspection among new friends. You have seen the crippling extent of introspection that has distanced me from my old.
You have seen me raise money for charity, you have seen me donate to charity. Some based on the grounded fear of fascism around the corner, some based on the picture of the homeless kid with no socks or shoes. You’ve seen me steal from my parents. You’ve seen me sell my soul.
You have seen me lead a girl on that I despised only for sex and social standards. You have seen me semi-stalk another for three years though I barely said a word to her.
You have seen me as a scrapper who fights all four walls. You’ve seen me crawfishing to bullies the same age and being beat up while barely raising a fist. And you’ve seen me take off to the Americas to hitch-hike and too scared to make noises in the room of my home town.
You’ve seen me leave a friend unconscious and broke in Cologne. A man who trusted me. You’ve seen me spend the remainder of my money on food for the bums in Prague.
You’ve seen my wish to see things die around me. You’ve seen my wish to control. You’ve seen my wish to submit. All occurring in the same day.
You’ve seen my realism in intellectual matters. You’ve seen my naivety in life. You’ve watched me being called sensitive and ruthless in the same day. Both justified.
From a human being, no more, no less.