8/4/10 - As streamy as it gets
by, 08-04-2010 at 08:56 PM (305 Views)
It makes sense now. I was reading descriptions on Fi and I was just thinking about this one girl I know who is most likely an Fi user and how Iím not like her. I thought I might be an Fi user due to me being aware of myself and who I am, how I stand out to other people. But then I thought about the T-trains, those narrow interests I had like trains and so on. Those were my passion. My interests developed my ego. I found it hard to connect to others so of course, I turned inward. I paid attention to my interests and kept my eyes out for anything that might allow me to talk about them. They made me feel secure, knowing all the different models and so on. I like talking about things as if I were reliving them. Plus, unlike Fi users who keep to themselves look out for what they want and for others over time, I wanted to do things to impress others. That must be the immature Fe in action. Itís what I learn to play on guitar. I learn instrumentals I like that no one has ever heard before and play these songs live to let people know Iím unique in my taste of music and so on. I like expressing my uniqueness, my own alternate version of this reality unlike other Fi users. Iím not bashing Fi users, I find that Iím unusually very comfortable talking to these people. Any form of shyness I have gets flushed down the toilet when Iím with the people that I know who I believe are primary Fi users.
Iím worried that if my parents see this, theyíre going to be upset that Iím still obsessing over this typology stuff. The thing is, I want to get down to the roots of everything that interests me. I want to understand the differences between Fi and Fe, how to help an INFP get over his or her issues with the soul-crushing real world.
I must add that itís not your fault that youíre abnormal or that the way this world is run doesnít suit you. Those in power are insane (just watch nature being degraded, indigenous cultures being ejected from their land that they adapted and lived well on all thanks to the kinds of people that run what is called civilization). The practices in the way what the world is run today is totally unsustainable and will not last long if it continues with business (no pun intended) as usual, but this gets into my own philosophy and I donít want to get too into that.
I think Iím starting to do these entries now and I think Iíll even post them on here as a blog. I never did and I thought Iíd never do this because I thought it wasnít in my nature, Iím not too sure exactly why I got started. I faced some de-motivation and mild depression at the end of my first year in college which was in 2009Ö Iíve become less social I supposeÖ Disconnected from a lot of good people I knowÖ or could of gotten to knowÖ disconnected from people I had an opportunity to have a meaningful relationship with, but then I feared showing that to them. I donít give a darn if I go off on tangents or not make any sense to certain people when I write. This is stream of conscious (not Screamofconscious ;) ) writing (or as streamy as it gets for me because I have a mad filter that makes improv my worst nightmareÖ sort of).
Maybe itís the internet. Iím addicted to it whenever I turn on my computer. Iím looking for stuff to do on it all the timeÖ but now it all seems boring even when I do try. Even PersonalityCafe bores me now, I donít know what else to tell people other than remind them of anecdotes Iíve had in my life and tell them my system when theyíre struggling with their type. The struggle for people finding their type never seems to end and I wish my efforts would help resolve all those struggles. I get mentally tired a lot nowadays and I often feel no drive to read other peopleís posts. Maybe perhaps Iím doing this writing in hopes that I will get peopleís attention so that I can say ďOh you didnít have to pay attention to me.Ē Or ďOh, this is nothing.Ē Why such irony?
I do want those to know that I am still here, still planning out my potential lifestyles in the future and Iím knocking.