Feelings

Perhaps I really just don't like people.

My classmates are slobs. 9 dudes, 1 chick. Females are usually more self-aware. They're also more petty. It's a mixed bag. The 1 female in the course is having the time of her life. I can tell she loves being surrounded by guys, and that she loves the "hands on" part of the course. She loves volunteering to be the 'patient'. I was taking her pulse with her hand over her upper chest to simultaneously take her respiration rate. I said "The pulse is hard to find" and she moves her hand further down (while mine was holding her wrist) which meant that my hand was on the side of her breast. I don't care. I have a very professional attitude, even in simulation/practice.

My classmates don't seem to take the course nearly as seriously as me. In my mind, I WILL be an EMR, possibly in as short as a couple months. There's no fucking around on an actual call. You have to be very competent. If I can't perform at a very professional level in practice simulation, how can I do that on a real call, or on the licensing simulation? That's the expectation I have for myself. My attitude isn't "I am just a student, I am a newbie, it's ok to suck, or this isn't real so we can just half-ass it". My attitude is "I AM a medical professional, or will be soon". That's becoming a part of my identity, and I'm trying to rise to that expectation. My classmates also seem content with just knowing what to do. I expect myself to know what to do and be able to do it very fast and effectively. I practice like a motherfucker. Patients and bystanders should not even suspect that I'm new. I should be able to perform super confidently and fluidly.

Some ESTP's like "I can save time by memorizing the patient's vitals without writing it down". How the fuck are you going to memorize the time that you took it, heart rate, respiratory rate, blood pressure, SPO2, skin, and eyes and GCS? Unless you have a photographic memory, you can't do that because if you forget a vital, or you recall one incorrectly, that's a really big deal. In addition, you're going to be taking at least 2 sets of vitals.

I notice that my classmates will approach the patient very timidly, or half assed and are kinda like 'duuuh wut do i do next? hmm. oh yeah!'. Really? A baby is choking and you're going to stand there humming and hawwing? I get right up in there and very assertively take control of the scene. I felt pretty good about a comment my friend gave me too. She said that my tone changes, and that I sound softer, calmer and more caring. Apparently I am gentle with my hands too.