Problemless with Problems
Sohcahtoa and Gang
by, 05-13-2012 at 11:53 PM (118 Views)
Coming home from a hard day of fishing, Mr. Sister was feeling a bit wild. Life is too short. As an evil grin smeared his face, he proceeded to break the speed limit by an alarming 3 miles per hour. As if that wasn't enough, he took it to the extreme by rolling his window to the terribly rebellious level of halfway. After parking, adding a last engine rev before exiting, he slammed the car door behind him; glad at the excessively loud noise it caused, he strutted up the walk to his house feeling like one bad dude.
A slick entrance by the king of cool himself caught the immediate attention of his wife.
"I heard your car, and here you are."
"Oh yeah," he replied smoothly, "I uh, just cruised on over from my happenin' joint. So like, what's shakin'?"
"You have mail. It's by the nail."
"Mail you say? Yeah, us popular guys have fans from all over," Mr. Sister explained while casually approaching the counter. "Hey Babe, so where's this pile of letters?" he asked coolly, looking around as if they should appear out of the air.
"Not a pile; a letter from Kyle. Only one you got, and that's not a lot. I told you where it's at, so look by the cat." Shrugging with a reassuring smirk, he walked with as much style as possible to the black kitty sleeping in the sun on the windowsill near a nail. After spotting the envelope and nodding in response, he snatched it quickly from the white sill and gave it an expert inspection. While he slowly attempted to unfold the flap, although still utterly tearing it completely, he spoke, "I'll have to have my receptionist have a word with the post office. They always forget to give me all my fan letters," loud enough for his wife to hear. "Kyle Spunderwear, huh? What does he want with me? I'm a busy man." A quick read-through revealed that Mr. Spunderwear required the presence of Mr. Sister immediately. An odd quality of the document was also brought to the reader's attention. The word "cosine" was in the middle of the text, completely out of context and void of relevance in any way. Owing an explanation to his wife for the departure he would soon make, he said, "Yo, I think I'm gonna zip on over to what's-his-face's," pointing his thumb in the general direction, "Hold all my calls."
"You just came in, and you're leaving again."
Mr. Spunderwear was busy planning his vacation when Mr. Sister made his stylish entrance into his office. "Hey," he opened the conversation, with his ever-cocked eyebrows and sly smile, "You rang?"
"Oh ho ho. I didn't ring. But now that you're here, you can help."
"Yeah, sure," Mr. Sister replied while looking left and right and bobbing his head slightly as if to a beat, "But you mailed my house, so I'm like, here, ya know?"
"A letter you say? Let me see." He read the letter halfway, then stood up suddenly. "So, so that's where it is."
"Where what is, man?"
"This...this is the answer! Now that you've see it too, I have no choice but to bring you along."
"A vacation? I dig it, dude. When's the gig?"
"Right away!" he cried and ran past Mr. Sister, but succeeded in pulling him by the hand as he went. Into the hallway and past many doors they flew, just missing many employees. Mr. Sister gave as much body language as possible to anyone he passed to still keep his cool and not look bad. Mr. Spunderwear continued once they were out of the building and led the still-in-control Mr. Sister across the gravel parking lot to his very expensive car. With Mr. Spunderwear in too much of a rush and Mr. Sister being his wild self, neither one buckled up. A spray of rocks flew from the car's back tires as Mr. Spunderwear overly peeled out and slammed onto the street, while Mr. Sister kept his smirk and cocked his eyebrows to all who turned to look their way. With the pedal to the metal, the engine roared as they sped over road, sidewalk, and grass. Tearing up every surface, they yielded to nothing and the breaks remained totally unused until they arrived at their destination in front of a wooden barn. The tires threw mud 10 feet as they slid to a halt and practically kissed the ground. Mr. Spunderwear was almost out of the car before his door had opened and bolted to the man wearing overalls inside the barn. Mr. Sister, seeing no need to dirty his quality-made shoes, remained in the car. The man was soon informed of the situation.
"For the love, we first need to find out what 'cosine' means," he said.
"Oh yes, that is a very necessary step," Mr. Spunderwear acknowledged, "Mr. Spunderwear would know. We must ask him!"
"But, for the love, you ARE Mr. Spunderwear!"
"Oh yes, so I am, and what do you want with me may I ask?" he suddenly stood up straight and proud, peering down at the man with his eyes.
"What in the world are you talking about?"
"What do you think I'm talking about?"
"How in the world am I supposed to know?"
"Ah, see I said you should ask me something, and since the subject hasn't changed, we must still be talking about the same thing," Mr. Spunderwear answered.
"Yeeeees, yes of course. Why didn't you ask sooner?"
"Because um...well..." the man stuttered.
"Don't be shy, Sohcahtoa, but it matters not. You want to know what 'cosine' means?"
"Well, yeah," Sohcahtoa answered slowly.
"Just a little thinking should do the trick, but I'll tell you anyway. It's simple really. Take the first 2 letters; what are they?"
"Yes, yes, no need for uncertainty. 'C' and 'O' are obviously the first 2 letters. Now, most people know that 'co' is short for 'company'. I'm surprised you didn't know that."
"For the love, I do know that!"
"Yes, yes, of course. That's why you're asking me what it means. Ha, ha, but come now, we're not through yet. The next letter is 'S', as you very well know. If you put an 'S' after 'company', it becomes 'companys', or rather 'company's'. 'Company's' is short for 'company is' after all, and no real amount of wit is required to know that, Sohcahtoa. The next letters are 'I' and 'N'. Any fool knows that that spells 'in'. With the last letter being 'E', we naturally get the phrase 'Company's in E', so it's off to find the company in E!" Mr. Spunderwear declared.
"What in the world is E?" Sohcahtoa blurted yet again.
"Ho, ho now, you surprise me, ol' buddy. Surely one such as yourself is familiar with the letter 'E'. Why, it's a known fact that E is the fifth letter in the alphabet, being the letter after D, which stands fourth in line from the beginning. Any kindergarten student knows that if you count the letters starting with A, then when '5' is announced, the letter 'E' would be reached, being the second vowel. So-"
"For the love, I know what the letter 'E' is!" Sohcahtoa interrupted.
"Yes, yes of course, my dear friend. That's precisely why you were asking me, is it not?"
"No, I mean...how in the world can a company be in an E?" Sohcahtoa refined his question.
"Very carefully. But seriously, how can anything be in anything? We are in...whatever this confounded city is..."
"For the love, it's called 'Spoon'."
"Regardless, that's where we are. We're in Spoon. Is it such a difficult task to comprehend the idea of being in a place, Sohcahtoa?"
"So...E is a place?"
"Yes, yes, what else would it be? The company couldn't very well be in an actual letter of the alphabet. Don't be silly, man. Letters lack physical form. But conversing of known facts is quite trivial and there is a quest at hand."