doris88

omgomgomg THIS. seriously thank you times a million, i'm not alone!!!!!!!!!

i have felt the same way about the woods. trees make me feel alive somehow. idk i can't explain it. i get... giddy when i see a mist-filled forest. other things do it for me too, like caves. but i want someone to walk around with me in the trees and explore and just LOVE it and feel alive as much as i do.

i know exactly what you mean about the book. i have told my husband sooo many times that i wish he wanted to read my old journals. like, doesn't he want to know me better than he already does? doesn't he want to know who i used to be? if he EVER wrote anything like a journal entry (he never has) i would be DYING to read it because i love him and i want to learn every little thing there is about his soul. but he just says he doesn't ask to read my old journals because he doesn't want to be nosy. i told him i didn't think it was nosy at all, and he still hasn't asked to read them. he just has no interest. i know he loves me, but it hurts.

the same thing with singing. i've always thought i was a decent singer, and for as long as i can remember i've wanted to be with someone who would ask me to sing for him. he never has. i've told him this makes me sad, i know i can't expect him to read my mind. but you'd think that after me telling him that, he would do it! but he doesn't.

i guess i just want to be with someone who-- and maybe you're like this too-- someone who thinks i'm intriguing, who wants intensity in our relationship in the sense that we're always wanting to get to know each other better & in a deeper way. who thinks every little thing i say or do is cute or wise or funny or amazing, and it's not creepy because i would feel the exact way about him. and i know it's unrealistic to think that people don't have their annoying little habits. but i think if i found someone i was amazed enough by, i would just think those things were endearing and they would make me love him even more.

are there guys out there like this? how can i find one? and who's to say i would even deserve him? my husband is amazing in pretty much every way a girl could ask for (honest, sexy, committed, loyal, super smart, funny, fun to talk to, fun to be around, romantic, etc etc etc), but i do feel like my soul is lost without someone who can feel the "magic" as you described it. someone deeper. i think i'll always be looking for that, even if we stay together, and that's just not fair to him.

and the hardest part is that i AM happy with him 90% of the time. i push the creative, magic part of me aside and we are so compatible that every day living with him is still great. but there's still that hole. there's still a gut feeling always telling me... this isn't it. this CAN'T be the only love you'll have, the rest of your entire life.

what should we do?!?!

Maybe I'll think of something smarter tomorrow, now I just wanted to say how sad it made me to read your confession. Especially if you're an INFP who believes that marriage is something sacred, forever and for always. Life is so not-INFP friendly.

Did you watch Runaway Bride? Watch it again. She's like us, chameleons, resigning from their true selves to be closer to people their love. She doesn't have her favorite way of making eggs, when she was with Guy 1, she liked scrambled eggs like he did, when she was with Guy 2, she preferred his way. And then she hears: no, you silly girl, you don't like all these eggs. And you don't want all these guys. You want someone who would wake you up in the morning because he couldn't wait to talk to you and who would cover your eyes and lead you into a beach so that you'd feel a warm sand under your feet. And then there it is, the expression on her face when she hears it. It's the same pain there's in our hearts right now.

I have no idea what's right or wrong. I'm sure ideal relationships have moments of disappointment too, and I'm not taking minor flaws like the dirty socks. I know now, and this relationship taught me this, that your perfect man may act like an ass, try to intentionally hurt you with words from time to time, or act like he doesn't care which hurts even more. So I know I might find my ideal man and still screw this up. For the time being, I want to stay with my boyfriend, we haven't moved in together yet, I really want to try this, I see some potential sometimes, some light at the end of the tunnel when I feel that he listens to what I say. But if one day I met someone I was looking for this whole time, it would be hell, I'd feel like crap leaving my boyfriend for someone other, I'd feel like crap for not taking a chance... but it's too much woulds, carpe diem should work for now. As for your situation, I have no idea what I would have done, but I can see you can fight for your happiness really hard so with that attitude you'll probably end up happy doing whatever you choose.

Thank you for making such a sad, personal post. I appreciate it.

There are severe problems in my current relationship, and your problems are in many ways my needs. She's just gone so cold with me, and there's basically nothing I can do but give her time.

I don't have anything great to say, really. I wish you the best (and that you eventually find someone like me who could easily address all your needs and then some. Someone's who's receptive to the things you blatantly find important i.e. if a girl told me she'd like something several times, I'd be happy to do it and feel so neglectful if I didn't).

i've never watched runaway bride, but now i'm going to, for sure. that sounds exactly right.

and it is hard being an INFP, and i do take marriage very seriously. which is making this so much harder. :( i feel like i got married because i was able to push down those longings, tell myself they were fantasy and that i had found realistic love and i would never give it up.

now that i'm realizing it is for my whole life... and i am still thinking "what if he's out there somewhere?"... it's just not good. and like you said, i don't want to stay with my husband until i find that in someone else, and then leave my husband. if i'm going to leave, i would rather do it now, and continue the search.

and i admire what you're doing too, staying with your boyfriend. maybe we really are just being too idealistic, as we are prone to do, and need to learn to be happy with what our partners can give us. (not what i want to say, but perhaps it's true.)

anyway, thanks again for the post (and the comment) and hopefully we will find our ways in love.

I know how you feel! I'm as stupidly idealistic as you are - if not even more! *hopeless romantic dies*
I'm 22 and momentarily I am in a first relationship since like ever. Why? Cuz i also sensed right the a way that the guy is not right. For that matter - i can't feel nothing for him. How can i want to hug someone and feel gentleness towards him if he doesn't provoke that feeling of "right" in me? I can't!

But 6-7 months ago i met one guy who lives far away. And i decided to step into smth with him, For some reason he is as hopeless romantic as i am but he is still more grounded then i am. He is the first person that makes me feel like my dreams are transferring into reality. Not in every aspect of my life but almost every aspect. For some reason parts of me have made a conclusion he is a right person. I don't dare to feel or think that to greater extent because risk of disappointment is too big.

I often have fights over minor things. But i know for a fact that there are so many things that happened in past few months that could break my puzzle of him being the perfect person. Like everything that he does that could hurt me makes me desperate and i think "why are you doing this to me?"
But it's the truth i am rather sentimental about many things and i react in the moment. In the big picture he is the best guy i could imagine having.
He made my romantic dreams come true...with sweet words and with desires to have near. He never holds back to tell me how much he misses me and every time he writes smth sweet to me in a text or says it - i absolutely adore him and his words.

But taht doesn't mean the relationship didn't have a lot of pain in it and that we haven't lived through a lot. Are relationship is kinda black-and-white. Probably cuz he are both people who think in this way. I sometimes feel really lucky i found him.

When i do have expectations in advance - things go badly - nothing is good enough. But when i let it go - im the happiest girl in the world. He does makes my dreams come true - not every detail i imagine but in general he really does.
I am often scared of my attachments to him or in general, of my desires - cuz i am not very prone to wear my heart on a sleeve and on the other hand i actually am. But i can get hurt badly if i don't work on my issues and don't make myself stronger.

In a conclusion - i could say a lot more about this but the big truth is that i wanna be happy and i don't want to diss someone almost perfect cuz i have my perfect ideals in my head. And he already fulfills most of thous ideals and he often surprises me with it.
I'm always trying to find a perfect person in him like you do in your boyfriend, and when i least expect it i find it and very often. I believe only in perfect love - there is no other kind of love for me. I might as well found myself one. I am most happy when i see my dreams are transferring into reality and there is nothing like a feeling of it.
I am ready to work so we can be happy. I am ready to show him and share with him things i like and i want him to do it as well. Everything with time.
I just wanna be able to relax and enjoy the love. But also i do agree with many things you said - if i don't see a future in a love aka feeling of right...there is nothing for me in all that. But it's also very important to enjoy it when you have it.

p.s.

"They are always looking for an ideal match, who would be their saviour: someone who would understand them completely, love them unconditionally and made their lives meaningful, fill the emptiness in their lives, save them from their swings of mood and mental pain and never let them go. Temporary commitment, retreating and looking for a perfect partner is a constant vicious circle that destroys them and their dear ones".

I can completely relate to this. But when my boyfriend says he would never let me go - it's one of the moments i feel my dreams are here finally.
The truth is - I can't live without romantic.

Yesterday me & my boyfriend had a 4 year anniversary of dating. After the movie I suggested we just go out there with his car, maybe we'll find some interesting place. And we found this park, with a huge lake, there were ducks and I swear I saw seagulls or something, I didn't even know there's a lake in this part of city and that it's so huge. It was surreal, 1 A.M., the Fishermen's Club nearby and old people had party there, a huge lake and except for some couples passing from time to time we were alone. I felt like it wasn't real and it hit me, that I really want to speak with my boyfriend about some of my issues.

I feel like I've been keeping from him so many things, including the guy I saw in the bus all these years ago and it changed my life and I didn't ever tell my boyfriend about this because it feels unfair to him... I wanted to talk, but I just sat silent for half an hour trying to speak, it was ridiculous, I felt like I was under a spell, I didn't know it would be so hard. But I told him some stuff about that day, I told him I'm so desperate about magic I sometimes fear I'll leave him but I don't want to cause I love him so much... I never told him "change into who I want you to be or I'll leave you", you know, because it wouldn't be right. But I felt like I should tell him I'm really afraid I'll run away some day and that I feel so miserable inside. He was just hugging me, and he said, smiling, that as weird as it may sound, I should just do what makes me happy, even if it means leaving him some day. It was so touching, though I always knew he felt this way. I just didn't think I could go on for the next four years with all this guilt I felt. Now I feel somewhat lighter, and he's not hurt by this conversation. I don't know if it will really help me in the long run, or if what I wrote will help anyone else, but anyway...