Pondering and my identity
by, 06-06-2012 at 04:57 PM (146 Views)
After realizing how insecure I really was and after working with that I have noticed something different, something new in me. I kind of never thought about that I'd feel this way. Before, when I was under influence of my insecurity, I was being really needy and kind of manipulative to my surroundings. I tried other people make me feel safe instead of me making myself feel safe.
There's actually great differences between those two ways of making one's self feel safe. Other one is just relying to others all the time, and when the time comes and they actually have to leave (like their role in your life comes to end) you just start to seek for more people who would satisfy your needyness. Best way to come over this is to acknowledge that most of your actions may be greatly influence by your insecurity and admit it that you're a very insecure person and you wish to work hard to get over it. Then you start question your actions/intentions, like asking yourself "am I doing this because I feel insecure?" and then stop yourself from doing it in the way your "insecure me" wants to do it. Let yourself feel insecurity as long as needed and release it (this may include admitting the reasons why you're feeling insecure and then releasing it eg. by crying). Start a new plan, think and feel it this way "how would I do things if I were feeling safe?" and then execute it.
The result I noticed was that I actually started to like people more genuinely instead of just having this "insecure way of liking/loving people". I think this would be really beneficial for relationships since you no longer need to make the SO your needyness satisfier and you'll have happier relationship.
I just faced something really unexpected that made me question my identity. I was previously playing with the idea that since I'm an INFJ and a HSP I might have similar characteristics to Asperger's syndrome, but now it seems that it's not like that, I believe that I might have Asperger's syndrome. It makes sense to me when I look back to my childhood and different social experiences with people and other stuff. I always felt that there's a piece of puzzle missing from the path of self-discovery and I didn't know what it was untill now.