d_arnold

Fear? What an interesting subject to discuss about. I assume that anyone has something they are afraid of and some has even plenty of them. I belong to the latter. I actually am quite fear ridden and everything I'm afraid of cannot be counted with two hands, but the worst ones actually can be. Judging from the information I've perceived I think my worst fears are fear of abandonment, fear of high places, fear of pain/getting hurt, fear of dark waters, fear of being alone, fear of totally new situations I have to face totally by myself... blah, keeping like this you'll actually need your friend's hands to keep counting.

I don't really know why I actually started to fear high places. When I was a kid I climbed on trees! And those trees weren't short, they were full grown trees (conifers and birches) growing on our yard at home. And even falling down from 3 meters didn't stop me.

Later, like now, I have developed so many different fears and I really don't have a clue what is the cause for them! Fear of dark waters? What the heck? Well I guess I can be really irrational sometimes, so irrational that it dims my logcal way of seeing things and then I start jumping around panicing or I just escape deeply into my mind, and stay feeling anxious.

However, I think some of my fears actually have a source, and that source can be found from my childhood. Fear of abandonment and loneliness can be explained by that I was quite much bullied, like, I let some people have my trust and then they just abused that trust and also used everything I shared about myself against myself. If I weren't a HSP, I wouldn't have so strong fears, especially about that fear of pain.

Lately I actually started to have panic attacks that were fear related, and some of them were relationship related. (Haven't mentioned yet, but yes, I'm in a relationship.) I think I was like letting the other person close to me, exposing a lot of personal things and then slowly started to feel the other person so important to me that I kind of started to feel afraid of that I'd lose her...

How do I deal with this stuff? Well, I started to acknowledge them more and actually let myself to express them, like admitting that I indeed feel that way. It's like opposite to that what everyone says that "don't encourage your feel of fear". Well it's simple, fear is an emotion and suppressing emotion takes energy and eventually makes you feel sick. Sick in a physical and an emotionally way (migraines, stomach aches, depression...) So just expressing and admitting your fear actually makes it easier to work with.

Breathing techniques! Have you noticed that when you feel fear your breathing goes and pulse faster? If the fear is much more increases and you feel like you can't escape it starts to feel much much worse! Eventually you're breathing like insane, sweating, going insane and you're finally in the panic attack phase or feeling highly anxious. For me it quite much works that I force myself to breath deeply and repeat "I'm safe" or similar words to ease it. Why does it work? I guess that brain notices that body is starting to become more calm, and breathing is the trigger. It's like cheating your brain to realize you're actually becoming more calm and it is safe to feel this way.

Ok, more tricks! Reassuring! Can be like any person, family member, friend, girl/boyfriend to tell you everything's going to be alright. Tell them what you're afraid of and ask for support. With my girlfriend I need a lot of reassuring with that she won't leave me because I'm such a cynical, doubting, fear ridden person.

Hmm, and the last thing, work with your self-esteem and confidence! Making feel much better with yourself and more confident about future can be a huge change to how you feel and how you can work with feel of fear. Be your best friend! And if it feels overwhelming to face your fear just start with small steps, make small goals and reach them untill eventually you've reached the point you don't fear anymore or it is totally manageable.

I hope everything goes well with you!

PS. I guess I'm like psychologist's dream. xD