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I can't say what realistic love is. I haven't found much reality in what I believe so strongly to be love either. It's hard to let go of an idea that feels so right. You have to find a meaning and peace in life outside of it though. Even if you find the love you're looking for life can be cruel and there's no guarantee it will last or that nothing will pull you apart. Find what you can be passionate about doing with your life that way even if you don't find the love you're looking for then can be okay because you have a meaning in purpose outside of it. I also think that finding that can lead you to the love you're looking for. Where or how better to meet the right person than through doing something you're mutually passionate about and who's going in the same direction. I imagine a type of relationship that is built on shared passions, values, encouraging and supporting each other in their goals and that doesn't require either person to relinquish their dreams to be together. Maybe that's why I've been alone as well, but I feel that maybe if I can do something worthwhile with my life I'll be okay and maybe love wont matter so much. I'm sorry, I know didn't tell you much about what is a realistic love, but I believe that there's other ways to be okay that wont require you to sacrifice your ideals and settle for something less than what you dream. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I hope the best for you.

All I can say is that the good things in life tend to come unexpectedly. Everytime something good has happened to me, I look back and think "Wow, I never expected to be here." Don't give up just because you can't see the future. Not being able to see future love and happiness doesn't mean it won't appear eventually. Be hopeful, be patient, and be nice to yourself. Focus on doing things that lift your spirit and the world will surprise you with the nice gifts it has to offer. Please don't mistake being realistic with applying limitations to yourself. They are not the same. Realistic love doesn't mean you have to settle for less.

Originally Posted by FromTheWorldUp

I can't say what realistic love is. I haven't found much reality in what I believe so strongly to be love either. It's hard to let go of an idea that feels so right. You have to find a meaning and peace in life outside of it though. Even if you find the love you're looking for life can be cruel and there's no guarantee it will last or that nothing will pull you apart. Find what you can be passionate about doing with your life that way even if you don't find the love you're looking for then can be okay because you have a meaning in purpose outside of it. I also think that finding that can lead you to the love you're looking for. Where or how better to meet the right person than through doing something you're mutually passionate about and who's going in the same direction. I imagine a type of relationship that is built on shared passions, values, encouraging and supporting each other in their goals and that doesn't require either person to relinquish their dreams to be together. Maybe that's why I've been alone as well, but I feel that maybe if I can do something worthwhile with my life I'll be okay and maybe love wont matter so much. I'm sorry, I know didn't tell you much about what is a realistic love, but I believe that there's other ways to be okay that wont require you to sacrifice your ideals and settle for something less than what you dream. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I hope the best for you.

Yeah I want to go to Israel. That's my dream. I have to wait a year to apply for aliyah. I am a Jew so I can get help once I am there getting set up. I really liked reading this post. It was so nonjudgmental and honest. Thank you for being so supportive. Your words were kind and encouraging. You gave me truth and patience. Thank you. I am not used to hearing this line of thought without a mean judgemental spirit attached to it and so your spirit is refreshing to me.

Originally Posted by AimfortheBrain

All I can say is that the good things in life tend to come unexpectedly. Everytime something good has happened to me, I look back and think "Wow, I never expected to be here." Don't give up just because you can't see the future. Not being able to see future love and happiness doesn't mean it won't appear eventually. Be hopeful, be patient, and be nice to yourself. Focus on doing things that lift your spirit and the world will surprise you with the nice gifts it has to offer. Please don't mistake being realistic with applying limitations to yourself. They are not the same. Realistic love doesn't mean you have to settle for less.

You're right. I am settling for less. I know its true because I keep asking myself isn't there more for me than this with my current guy. He's selfish and narcissistic. He can't admit he is wrong. He yells at me and scolds me when I cry. He tries to have a martyr contest with me if I tell him a woe. He's not tender, gentle or loving when we make out. I mean wouldn't God give you someone that kinda wows you at least sometimes? I mean if there is someone on here that has been married and felt like their spouse was a 5 and now he is a 10 then by all means tell me your story because I would love to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I just don't see myself marrying him and being happy. On paper this guy is great...but in reality...something is missing. The problem is that I have nowhere to go. He is supporting me so I can stay home with my two girls (by another man before I met him) that are four and one. I should be grateful but really I just feel trapped.

I have this dream and in it I am walking down the aisle toward the man I love and he looks back at me with confidence that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The crowd tunes out and there is such kindness in his eyes and love. I want that intimacy and security. I also see him being comforting when I am sad by looking at me with compassion and holding me tight like he wants to squeeze the fear out of me or shield my hurt with his own body. I also see myself living in a ocean town that has a country feel to it. I have searched Florida, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Maine and still haven't found this little town I dreamed of. Florida was too swampy. North Carolina was too posh. Massachusetts was too rushed, and harsh. Maine was too cold and quiet. But now I am making plans to move to Israel so maybe I will find it there. Maybe Mr. Compassion is there too.

[QUOTE=childofheaven]Will someone tell me what realistic love really is like from your experience of it?[/QUOTE]

My experience would probably be totally different from your own. Suffice to say it is wonderful, and it is worth the anguish you're feeling right now, so try to be patient. This is your trial. When you find him, it will change you forever, and you will remember this time as if you read it in an old book about someone else.