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by , 02-03-2011 at 12:56 AM (635 Views)
i think since joining here and since coming a bit more out of my shell at home and stuff i have begun to grow more comfortable with expressing my opinions. like for example on this forum when i first joined there is a marked difference since then until now where i have grown more comfortable with expressing what i think and so on. and i have even argued with someone and i have been okay with it. which is ridiculous because i think a couple of months ago i couldn't have done that at all.

i am getting more, i don't know, forward or something. i am not really sure how much of this is a good thing because i am noticing that i am really sarcastic and caustic in a lot of things, i am very judgmental about people inside of my head and i don't express hardly any of it because i know it isn't correct. i am not sure what it is related to.

throughout my life i have always gotten sort of "vibes" or "feelings" off of subjects, people, objects, places, etc, and it sticks in my head as an impression and that impression never goes away, ever. as soon as i've, i guess imprinted is a good word to use, that just doesn't go away. this imprinting is a bit different than an opinion i have on a subject. my opinions can change, i can be proven wrong all the time and that isn't what i mean, but i have no good way to describe it either. it isn't always a positive thing. in fact more than not it isn't because my imprints of things often influence how i think about them.

for instance because of militant feminazis and crazy people who are obsessed with equality my imprint of the concept of feminism is negative, and no matter how much i believe that women should be treated equally, when people start saying things like, "women can do everything men can do!" i kind of feel like scratching my face off. when i go into a person's house, the initial imprint i get from the environment stays with me forever. when someone changes the furniture or paints the wall, i freak out because of it because the whole impression changes, and it is like i cannot, i just cannot deal with it at all.

i'm not sure if that's related to judgment or what but it is separate from just the opinions of things that i have. i would feel the same way about feminism whether or not i could articulate an opinion about it, and my opinion of feminism has changed over the years as i have learned more about women's rights and all of that. i once got an impression out of a book written by andrea dworkin, who is a crazy militant feminist, and that imprint was extremely positive because it was the kind of vibe i got off of the lady and her writing and her words. yet, somehow, my impression of "andrea dworkin" is so vastly, supremely different than my impression of "crazy feminists", yet one could argue they were almost the same thing. so there is a difference between an opinion and whatever this impression thing is, i just can't verbalize it correctly. somehow it is integral to this judgmental part of myself because my impressions themselves are very judgmental. i get a vibe off of something and draw a conclusion, whether or not i can say what it actually is.

anyway to be honest i am not sure how much i enjoy this new me. i am finding i have the potential to be rather mean and biting and nasty in my head, there are lots of behaviors i don't seem to tolerate from people and people themselves, in general, i seem not to really enjoy. society on the whole i am becoming rather disillusioned with because i am starting to get this almost "overall impression" that everybody is stupid and/or crazy. and i don't like this. the only way it is different for me and the only way i can probably even be an isfj is because my impressions of individual people overshadow this "overall society" impression. it is like a mental blanket statement of the universe. and it is not a very positive thing, i don't like being the typical "humanity sucks" person in the crowd - because my impression of those people is negative, too.

i don't know. sometimes i feel like i am not a very nice person. my wife assures me that i am, but that i just don't tolerate what she affectionately refers to as "nonsense" (but i think she really means "bullshit").

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  1. white-knuckle's Avatar
    feminism is awesome, embrace it. woman are still degraded and demeaned around the globe. I myself dont quite identify with the usual "crazy feminist" groups...But I am one in a different way. Woman are still treated unfairly.

    They work 2/3 of the world's working hours and make 10 percent of the income. The United Nations estimates that its a loss of 11 trillion a year. 2 million women a year suffer genital mutilation. There are 12.3 million slaves on the planet, more than we've ever had and most of these people are women and children. So, yes embrace that fire in your soul that says, things arent right! We all need to be more disgusted by the degradation that women still face today. Not even to mention how women are objectified. In our country 1/4 women is molested or raped. I mean there is STILL so much shit going on. Yay, for standing up for women. (Though women do crimes against themselves as Im not blaming men entirely.)
  2. chaeriean's Avatar
    well as a woman i think it would be stupid not to believe in women's rights. i more or less get irked by people who say things like what i said above, "women can do everything men can do, women are the best, men are evil, equality!!!!" because it just drives me nuts. women and men are not equal. the way a woman's brain works is vastly different from the way a man's brain works. women are not physically stronger than men. there are some things women cannot do. the same thing is true of men as well. there are some things men cannot do. women are not the best. men are not evil. refusing to acknowledge that women and men are different is not the same thing as being pro-women's rights. it is just hypocritical and retarded. the whole scope of some of these ideas i hear is degrading men because "they degraded us first". it is ridiculous. those are my opinions basically, i was mostly using this as a platform to try and highlight what i meant by getting impressions off of concepts. i don't think i can verbalize the difference in a way that will make it seem like it really isn't an opinion. oh well.
  3. carson's Avatar
    You sound like an interesting person. It looks like you outline a clash between personal values and society. Is your annoyance related to the difference between the stereotypes society expects of your sexual orientation and who you really are as a person?

    For example, if society expects same sex couples to drive vans, wear flannel shirts, cut their hair short and loudly support feminism, you push back with equally force because it challenges your independence as a thinking, free-choosing, woman?

    In the same way, if you do anything that was co-incidentally similar to society's stereotype, you might feel equally offended because your expression of free choice and the joy of being who you are, has been overshadowed. So instead of people seeing a choice, you imagine they'll just see a stereotype?
  4. chaeriean's Avatar
    i don't really think so but i am not sure. in those specific circumstances you stated i wouldn't be inclined to do anything other than what i usually do. i support women's rights, but i am not obnoxious. (the obnoxious part of this and most other "rah rah rah" groups is a large part of why it bothers me, i think). i take the bus, i have long-ish hair and i wear what people describe as businessy kind of clothes. or robes.

    i'm not that concerned if i fit into a stereotype or not, considering i really enjoy mbti i think it is a given that i actually don't mind it at all since "isfj" is probably the most overshadowing stereotype i could be a part of as it encompasses the reasons why i am the way i am.

    i think to me it is just the difference between people believing what they like, and people being extremely pretentious and obnoxious about what they believe. i don't believe in abortion but i am not going to put up pictures of dead fetuses while people drive their cars. i'm considered "bisexual" but i am not going to go dance on a pride float and announce it to the world. to be honest my sexual orientation isn't something that is even relevant to me.

    i think i said it best in another forum: opinions are great as long as you don't force them on other people.
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