Calvaire

It's confusing for me to think that some people can make a connection with someone instantly and easily.I've always been able to put an extroverted face on and talk,make a joke and make a friend easily.As for a connection or a real friendship I don't know,it takes longer for me. I sometimes feel guilty because I have friends that I knew for a week and they told me it felt as if we knew each other "forever" ,but I didn't really feel the same way.

I want to be open and honest,instead of in a way guarding who I really am.Once I let people know that yes,sometimes things are not as rosey as they seem with me they abandon me its happened every single time.I'm sick of having this fear that in the end everyone is going to leave me. I'm sick of worrying if I'm too happy,I'll be annoying and if I'm not happy enough I'll come off as too depressed.

I guess it's just something I have to face and hopefully overcome.