suicidal_orange

People problems

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suicidal_orange
, 02-28-2012 at 01:24 AM (210 Views)
I have a weakness revolving around people. Outwardly I maintain a coldly carefree demeanour and that is all most people will ever know. They won't get close enough to know anything of what's really going on inside and that's fine - as long as they're up for a game of pool or whatever once in a while. I'm helpful and I put the needs of these virtual strangers before my own but if all my acquaintances on this level disappeared I really wouldn't care.

But there's another side to me that wants deeper connection. In the quest for this when someone piques my interest I spew everything which basically means running myself into the ground for all my failings, and I see far more than anyone else sees in me.

The trouble is probably my biggest weakness is having to solve everyone's problems. If someone confides in me and I cannot help I feel useless. It can affect my sleep (something I otherwise never have problems with) and will be going through my head every quiet moment I have.

I can't help but wonder what these 'chosen' people make of this. If my friend said asking them for help would make them feel useless and their sleep would suffer I wouldn't do it to them. This leaves me with a dilema.

On one hand I can not fully disclose my weakness and resist getting close to those who really do value and confide in me, keeping them at a comfortable distance so when the going gets tough they don't expect anything and I can maintain my undeserved sense of competence.

The other option is to continue with my current behaviour. This means that only people who are in a good place in their lives will not run a mile on learning of my weaknesses and when they inevitably drift slightly I'm left wondering why, and what to do about it. Do I check up on them, either disturbing their new path of happiness or digging up a problem risking making myself feel useless again, possibly bringing it back to their awareness when they were moving on? Add to this that I dislike people checking up on me (I like to think I'm strong enough to go it alone - which I'm not) and I can justify leaving them to it. They know where I am.

Connect or don't. Check up or don't. All roads lead to feeling bad or being alone
cynthiareza thanked this post.

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  1. cynthiareza's Avatar
    Sometimes when friends come to you and want to talk about their problems, they may not need an answer to their problem. Maybe they just want to talk about it, get it off their chest. As the listener you may not realize what a relief it can be for them just to talk about the problem. Dont feel useless just because you dont have all the answers. You are still being a friend, your lending an ear. There were a couple of points you touched on that I relate to very much, the part about "spewing everything" and having to solve everyones problems. But as time goes by I think I am getting better at dealing with these things. I bet you will too. Peace.
    suicidal_orange thanked this post.
  2. suicidal_orange's Avatar
    Sounds great, but the last non-online person who talked to me of a concern other than a practical matter I could solve was at primary school at least 15 years ago. I'm not close enough to anyone to have a chance to lend an ear so instead my ears go wasted and this isn't going to change without significant conscious effort.

    The question then becomes why am I so scared of being unable to help when (if ) this situation comes up? I guess having what appeared to be the happiest and most successful friend I ever had kill himself without saying a word to anyone has something to do with it. Seems we weren't that close either
    cynthiareza thanked this post.
  3. cynthiareza's Avatar
    That would def have an affect. 15 years is a long time to not be close to anyone. Maybe its time to reach out?
  4. gurlcorporate's Avatar
    In my experiences, I often come up to people talking about my problems or frustration, even little things like I f*cking hate my job etc.. Just feels better just for someone to hear it. Believe it or not, you might have made someone's day by just listening to them. And if it does seem like tit's such a big problem they're approaching you with and you feel that you didn't help that you can't sleep I hope you don't think it's your fault cos I often feel like that. Cos it's probably such a big problem, or a deep emotional problem that only God can fix right? So it's not like you failed them I think
    suicidal_orange thanked this post.
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