Aelthwyn

It seems to be my impression, though I could be wrong on this, that a good number of people really change a lot from who they were as children to who they are as adults. I know they say you can't change your personality type, but I'm not talking about that so much as tastes, oppinions, values, interests, desires, goals, life-styles, habits, mannerisms, attitudes. My impression is that many people go through phases in life where they're really into one thing or another, and then it passes and later on they kind of laugh at themselves for their past tastes and interests.

Additionally, it seems to me that many people sort of separate themselves into "who I was (or am) as a child" and "who I am (or will be) as an adult." Even among other children when I was young it seemed that many of them expected some kind of transformation, planned on abandoning the interests and ways of childhood for being some Thing called an "Adult". It seemed almost as if they expected that who they currently were wasn't really compatible with being an adult and expected to change in many ways, to the point that the very definition of being an adult meant being a different version of you. I get the impression from many younger adults that they look back on their childhood selves as something they got over, as something somewhat embarrasing, or even in a way dis-owned. I hear them talk about their past as if they can't believe they were like that.

For me, I feel that not only the core of who I am, but even most surface details, interests, and tastes of mine have not changed very significantly over the years. I have certainly added new things to my interests and revised oppinions as I've gathered more information, but I don't think (or feel) that I am very much different from myself as a small child. I feel as though I am a constant while my circumstances of life change, more than I feel like I am changing and becomeing something else.

The few examples I might be able to come up with in regards to true changes in my oppinions are rather baffling and unsettling to me. I remember having such conviction that I didn't like music in minor keys and didn't like bitter tasting things. It felt like an inseperable part of who I am. And in principle, in idea, I still don't feel like those things mesh with my concept of who I am. And yet, I've come to enjoy minor key songs very much (not more than major keys, but probably as much), and my tastes have shifted so that I don't have a very high tollerance for sweet things anymore, but actually enjoy bitter things. Yet in principle I think of myself being associated with sweets rather than bitter things because there is somehow a more essential connection between my character and sweets.

In most instances, however, I would answere the very same now as I would have when I was seven. I find this aspect of consistancey very important to me. I am who I am, and I must continue to be or I would be utterly lost and not know what to think of myself or do with myself. I look back on who I was as a child and it is still who I am, there is no separation. I cherish this. There is nothing about my past that I scoff at or wish to forget about myself. I find that as an adult I am finally fullfilling for myself some of my childhood dreams that my other friends seem to have forgotten. Such as, now at long last I can wear twirly skirts and puffed sleeves as much as I like. Now at long last I have bought myself a couple of Strawberry Shortcake dolls which I pined for as a little girl but never recieved. And I also continue to enjoy many of the same things I remember enjoying as a child. Like making crowns of clover flowers, singing disney songs, immagining I'm a princess or a fairy, colouring in colouring books.

I had a strong sense of identity from a very young age, and that has remained consistant as I have gotten older. Of course I have learned things, of course I have matured and become wiser, of course I have gained experience and 'perspective', but none of that has required abandoning the tastes, ideals, values, and essence of who I was as a small child.

I wonder if many other people are like this?