Dominant or Auxiliary Extraverted Feelers (Fe) and Disappointment and Hurt

give too much, isolate, think too much, stress out, try to find some balance.... cycle through again.... aaaagggghhhhh... will keep being me and appreciate this topic and all the informative posts.

I can identify with the part you said about mistyping yourself as an introverted thinker dominant function. For me, I take criticism personally and I retreat back into my shell with anything i perceive to be critical. i go back into my own mind, sometimes with doubts and running in circles in my mind. I tested as I_T_ many times, although when i took the socionics test it actually gave me a low score on development of IT.

I find it hard to do consecutive days of interaction. I suppose its due to my introversion and my ES auxiliary function. I'm a "giver" so i'm usually drained.

Originally Posted by SuperunknownVortex

Ironically some of those "...shared values, feelings and social norms to get along" are not in best interest of not only the Fe user but also people in general. However, it is difficult to incorporate what an dominant or auxiliary Fe user himself or herself personally values.

I believe Te acts in a similar way to Fe. I currently know an ESTJ who is over-working himself to the point that he is literally forgetting about his health. He is directing his life to fulfill some outside standard of competence, living for those outer values, but as a result his physical health is suffering due to his workaholism. So it is not only the Fe users who have trouble accounting for own personal needs and wants. Practically all Js do it. For ExxJs it is the most pronounced since the Ji function that lets you define and determine where you personally stand, form your own opinions values and principles, is their inferior one.

Originally Posted by SuperunknownVortex

But I've recognize at brief moments those 'shadow functions'. I've particularly paid attention to my Fi judgments, which, for me, are 'angry', 'critical' and very 'harsh'. Such judgments are cruel even and amplified whenever I feel more and more stressed.

Fi should feel like suddenly feeling deep sense of worth in yourself as an individual. What you are describing, the anger and critical judgements, sounds like expressions of Ti to me.

Originally Posted by alfreda

I use Fe a lot, but I live with someone who uses it to the max. I find this stressfull: it is hard being the person who has to give enough love. Our "down" interactions tend to be that I am distant or fail to appreciate some hint dropped or some moment when I should have been caring, or I speak without thinking first, and get the tone wrong. Then I get the big wounded response, and little by little I moderate my behaviour so that I find myself tiptoeing around the house trying to avoid explosions. Interestingly, this is how abusive relationships can develop.

Paradoxically I have found that being very direct and sometimes critical can switch off this cycle. I think that Fe-doms can lack perspective. But because of my own Fe, I find this stressful. Has to be done though.

Probably is stressful in your case. The Fe function in ENTPs is tertiary and is called mobilizing function in socionics. Why it is mobilizing is because acting on this function can energize and stimulate a person. But act too much on it and then the person ends up being being over-stimulated, exhausted, drained of energy, and seeks alone time away from whoever is over-stimulating it. In your husband's case his Fe is constantly on but you get over-charged by it. Then you distance from him for a while. He probably feels hurt by it, like he is putting in so much and receiving too little from you. What he is seeking himself is your Ti which is the counter-balance to his Fe. When you deliver it to him by being critical and direct it shuts off his Fe for a while. But it is auxiliary function that you can't use all the time otherwise you'll feel drained yourself also. So it kind of set up a somewhat psychologically unpleasant cycle where at some times you are over-stimulated then other times you get drained.

Sounds about right.
Of course there are two other people in the house, and we spend a lot of time in Ne-Ni banter, so it isn't that intense.

Does anyone know ni-fe loop?

Originally Posted by Rachelishere

Does anyone know ni-fe loop?

please explain... i've heard this mentioned before but i'm still not exactly sure what it is

Just wanted to say thanks, I was feeling so alone and out of sorts for quite a while especially today so it's nice to see I'm not the only one who's experienced and feels this way. I noticed Fe overuseage gets me exhausted these days and was wondering why until reading about functions and shadows I figured out the same thing you did that it was my overuse of Fe since it isn't in my top 4 I shouldn't be surprised. I thought I was doing well with it all along but I recently noticed that when others are talking to me about their own problems and it gets too heavy I leave the conversation absolutely exhausted. And now I seem to be overly the opposite direction as well as in I suddenly need my own needs to be met and when they aren't I don't react in a very nice way to say the least and I'm getting more aggressive about it it seems like. So, in short, you aren't alone, I just happened to be in the right place today to be able to find out and let you know and that it helped me a lot in figuring out why I have done the things I have.

Originally Posted by Rachelishere

Does anyone know ni-fe loop?

No, but I've read about these:

dominant-tertiary-loops

Very helpful article, ty!!!

The greater the stress, the more I tend slip into Se. It is regressive. Needless to say the experience is either quite animated and colorful or very frightening. I tend to be overindulge myself at this point, and I 'tune out' most everything but the external environment and my judgments and perceptions thereof. Every stimuli is amplified. Every instinct or impulse is, first, considered and then attended to. I both love and hate those experiences. 'Love' because the world feels so very much 'alive'. I accumulate such wonderful experiences! 'Hate' because I can become addicted to simply stimulus-seeking and subsequently lose perspective or not want to consider ramifications of my behaviors. "Live for the moment" does have a dark side to it.

Going through the article again I was thinking how your Se is similar to my Ni "in the grip" experience except mine is completely in my head. Every thought becomes angry and paranoid-like and it won't leave me alone until I do something about it. I've recently discovered because of this that I am indeed in all likeliness in a Se/Te loop. BUT, I do prefer this way of dealing with problems as I've needed to be more like this because I can't take being walked all over any more by anyone. I've come to embrace it. It's the "in the grip" of Ni that is scary and hard to escape. This seems to be the common cycle. The event happens that starts this all then Ni goes crazy if I let it go giving all kinds of wild possibilities, Fi goes "fuck this!" and Se/Te says "I'm dealing with this now!" and I do in a rather hasty and aggressive manner. If I don't Ni goes wild some more until I deal with it or cave in. Is that like your experience at all?