Sometimes we are faced with others around us who are not as healthy as they could be. Here is what you can do to support their personal development and ultimately better your own relationship with them.
- Encourage me to go easy on myself and to take time for myself.
- Provide me with a nonjudgmental viewpoint.
- Remind me that the goal in life is to be human, not to be without fault.
- Appreciate my independent self instead of being seduced by or dependent on the help I give.
- Pay attention to my real needs and ask about them.
- Reinforce me for saying no when appropriate.
- Express appreciation for my giving.
- Encourage me to pay attention to feelings and relationships.
- Show me you care for me for who I am, not for what I have accomplished.
- Be supportive when I tell you what is really true for me.
- Let me know what is really important to you.
- Remind me to slow down and smell the roses.
- Encourage me to keep my attention on what is positive in the present.
- Honor my feelings and my idealism.
- Reveal your real feelings and true reactions.
- Let me see that you really understand me instead of trying to change me.
- Respect my need for privacy and space.
- Make clear distinctions between your requests and your demands.
- Provide moderate feedback about your own feelings and concerns.
- Encourage me to be self-disclosing and to express my feelings in the here and now.
- Appreciate my sensitivity.
- Appreciate my ability to life and let live.
- Be consistent and trustworthy with me.
- Be self-disclosing and encourage me to be self-disclosing.
- Counter my doubts and fears with positive and reassuring alternatives that are realistic.
- Support me when I slow down and stick with my commitments.
- Let me know what and how important your own needs and wants are.
- Encourage me to deal with pain, fear, and restlessness rather than escaping from these feelings.
- Help me keep things simple and in the present.
- Stand your ground.
- Stay firm.
- Be forthright.
- Speak your own truth.
- Provide feedback about my impact on you.
- Support me when I reveal softer feelings and vulnerabilities.
- Encourage me to express my own position.
- Ask me what I want and what is good for me, and give me time to figure out the answer.
- Support me when I act responsibly toward myself.
- Allow me to acknowledge my anger.
- Encourage me to set and keep my own boundaries, limits, priorities.
Source: Daniels, David N., and Virginia Ann. Price. The Essential Enneagram: The Definitive Personality Test and Self-discovery Guide. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 2000. Print.