The Enneagram is composed of 9 main types, each with their own core needs and expectations. With that much variety, we sometimes forget what exactly other types need and want from us in our day-to-day lives. Here’s a quick article that can give you pointers on what you can do to get along better with those important to you.
- Take your share of the responsibility so I don't end up with all the work.
- Acknowledge my achievements.
- I'm hard on myself. Reassure me that I'm fine the way I am.
- Tell me that you value my advice.
- Be fair and considerate, as I am.
- Apologize if you have been unthoughtful. It will help me to forgive.
- Gently encourage me to lighten up and to laugh at myself when I get uptight, but hear my worries first.
- Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
- Share fun times with me.
- Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
- Let me know that I am important and special to you.
- Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
- Leave me alone when I am doing my work.
- Give me honest, but not unduly critical or judgmental, feedback.
- Help me keep my environment harmonious and peaceful.
- Don't burden me with negative emotions.
- Tell me you like being around me.
- Tell me when you're proud of me or my accomplishments.
- Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
- Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
- Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
- Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
- Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!
- Be independent, not clingy.
- Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
- I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
- Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
- Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
- If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
- Don't come on like a bulldozer.
- Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.
- Be direct and clear.
- Listen to me carefully.
- Don't judge me for my anxiety.
- Work things through with me.
- Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
- Laugh and make jokes with me.
- Gently push me toward new experiences.
- Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
- Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
- Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
- Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
- Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
- Be responsible for yourself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
- Don't tell me what to do.
- Stand up for yourself... and me.
- Be confident, strong, and direct.
- Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
- Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
- Give me space to be alone.
- Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
- I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
- When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.
- If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
- I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
- Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
- Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
- Ask me questions to help me get clear.
- Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
- Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
- I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
- Let me know you like what I've done or said.
- Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.
(Source: Baron and Wagele - Enneagram Made Easy)