Type and Marriage: MBTI and Enneagram

Type and Marriage: MBTI and Enneagram

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This is a discussion on Type and Marriage: MBTI and Enneagram within the Articles forums, part of the Announcements category; One of the first things one thinks about when they first learn their type is, “Which types am I compatible ...

  1. #1

    Type and Marriage: MBTI and Enneagram

    One of the first things one thinks about when they first learn their type is, “Which types am I compatible with?” First, I want to emphasize: any two types can connect and have a successful marriage. Do NOT use this information to prematurely judge and reject others purely because they are not your “type.” That being said, there are a few sources I have found which give information on which types typically end up married, as provided below:

    MBTI
    Among 375 married couples whose Indicators were obtained in the 1940s, the most frequent situation was for the couple to be alike on three of their four preferences rather than on only two, as would be expected by chance.
    The most frequent similarity was on SN, which suggests that seeing things the same way, whether by sensing or by intuition, does more to make a man and woman understandable to each other than a shared preference on EI or TF or JP.

    The percent distribution of the couples was as follows:

    Alike on all preferences 9
    Alike on three 35
    Alike on two 33
    Alike on one 19
    Alike on none 4
    Among the couples who were alike on all preferences, most were feeling types and may have had harmony as a conscious goal in choosing a spouse. Among the couples who were different on all preferences, nearly all the husbands were thinkers.
    53 percent of the extravert husbands (but only 39 percent of the introverts) had at least three preferences in common with their wives.
    The men who apparently cared most about likeness on EI were the FJ types with extraverted feeling. . . . In the study conducted in the 1940s, where the husband was FJ, he and his wife were alike on EI in 65 percent of the cases, compared with 51 percent for all other types combined.
    The men most inclined to marry their opposites on EI were the introverts with thinking.
    Where the man was an extravert, 62 percent of the couples were alike on TF; where he was an introvert, 49 percent were alike. Where husband and wife were both extraverts, the similarity on TF rose to 66 percent.
    Likeness on JP seems to matter mainly to three extravert types: 65 percent of the ENTP and ENFP husbands . . . married perceptive wives; 93 percent of the ESTJ husbands . . . married judging wives. Of the rest of the couples, only 52 percent were alike on JP.
    Likeness on SN is important to all types. The highest rate of likeness, 71 percent, occurred in couples where the wife preferred thinking to feeling.
    To keep in mind:
    Even with only a single preference in common, a marriage can be wonderfully good . . . if the man and woman take the necessary pains to understand, appreciate, and respect each other. They will not regard differences between them as signs of inferiority, but as interesting variations in human nature, which enrich their lives. As one young ISTJ husband said of his ENFP wife, “If she were just like me, it wouldn’t be any fun!”
    Source: Myers, Isabel Briggs., and Peter B. Myers. Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type. Mountain View, CA: Davies-Black Pub., 1995. Print.

    Enneagram
    I have found this research (Enneagram Marriage Demographics) quite accurate when demonstrating which enneagram types tend to fall for each other. ” Some combinations are strikingly more common than chance, and are highlighted in yellow or red (1 or 2 standard deviations above chance). Some combinations are much rarer than expected by chance, and these are shaded in gray.” This article accounts for the likelihood of each type in the general population, as well.


    I hope this article quells some of your immediate questions about type and marriage. Best of luck in your soulmate hunting!
    Happy, KerryLee, babblingbrook and 61 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    That enneagram info is depressing for me... My best match is only with type 1 ? Lol

    And what kind of man for me? You know, I'll be going on a date with a estj, could it be something? If we screw that "every type could make a great couple talk" ?
    Ive been having lots of connections with intps type 5, is that doomed?


    Edit: also, thanks for great article :D

  3. #3

    Well, that Eanneagram grid is 100% useless for me to even think about, since in my marriage we're both wives.
    Liontiger, Seralya, pmj85 and 29 others thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Unhappily, my husband and I only match to one piece. T. Happily, we're happy.
    Seamaid, AllisonDori and Dewymorning thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by Clementine. View Post
    Unhappily, my husband and I only match to one piece. T. Happily, we're happy.
    You mean, you're with an ESTP? Because I'm half INTJ /half INTP (confusing but true), and I'm getting to be great friends with an ESTP, but I'm worried about the S/N difference. How does that work out for you?

  6. #6

    Wow! What an informative link :) Thank you for posting, especially the enneagram part.
    MBTI Enthusiast, emerald sea and Aquamarine thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by armika_armika View Post
    That enneagram info is depressing for me... My best match is only with type 1 ? Lol

    And what kind of man for me? You know, I'll be going on a date with a estj, could it be something? If we screw that "every type could make a great couple talk" ?
    Ive been having lots of connections with intps type 5, is that doomed?


    Edit: also, thanks for great article :D
    I think a type 1 would be a great match for an ESFP type 7. Especially an ISTJ or ISFJ, but I bet they are overlooked by ESFP's unfortunately. It would be a great balance and has potential to bring out the best in each other. The ISTJ ESFP match up would be very difficult at first. Plus lots of ISTJs seem to be 6's.
    MBTI Enthusiast, Cassieopeia, Echoe and 1 others thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by armika_armika View Post
    That enneagram info is depressing for me... My best match is only with type 1 ? Lol
    I know it might sound crazy on the surface, but since 1s and 7s are connected by their integration/disintegration lines, each person in the partnership brings a lot of good qualities out of the other. Look at the compatibility article (which I have found to be extremely accurate in my own relationships):

     
    Quote Originally Posted by Grey View Post
    Enneagram Ones and Sevens have a particular complementary and reciprocal relationship. They are opposites who can either bring something needed to the other person, thereby helping both to achieve new growth (or, as we will see) they can drive each other further apart by playing on each other's weaknesses whether consciously or not. Ones bring conscientiousness, orderliness, good work habits, methodical attention to detail, and a pleasure in maintaining excellence and high standards. Sevens bring spontaneity, high energy, curiosity, an orientation toward fun and adventure, the desire to try new things, and an ability to not get too hung up with getting everything done perfectly. Both types can be initiators and planners, future-oriented and idealistic, although Sevens tend to prefer having multiple options and to keep all plans loose enough so that they can be changed as needed. They bring freedom and spontaneity. Ones are more methodical and help Sevens stay on track—they resist getting distracted by too many options, and excel at following through with their plans.

    Sevens offer Ones a sense of excitement and life as a source of pleasure and enjoyment. Ones offer Sevens a sense of purpose and idealism, as well as direction and the feeling that life is noble and meaningful. Sevens keep Ones' spirits up, refreshing their idealism while preventing the relationship from becoming too heavy. Ones help steady Sevens, keeping them working systematically and consistently toward goals. Sevens appreciate the One's consistency and reliability and are glad to have someone who can attend to details. These two types can be highly supportive of each other as long as their ultimate values are congruent and as long as they are both working for the same fundamental things in life. This tends to be a stimulating relationship for both—they stretch each other and are fascinated and challenged by their differences.

    Quote Originally Posted by armika_armika View Post
    And what kind of man for me?
    Well, if we take into account that more similarity with MBTI attracts partners like it said in Gifts Differing, and assuming you would be attracted to a Type 1, then using this chart:


    You might work well with a Type 1 ESFJ. That would be 3/4 similarities. Or a Type 1 ISTP or ISFJ. That would be 2/4 similarities. Those are the Type 1s which are most likely to mesh with your personality.

    Quote Originally Posted by armika_armika View Post
    You know, I'll be going on a date with a estj, could it be something? If we screw that "every type could make a great couple talk" ?
    Yes, it could. You have ES in common which could be enough to overcome the TJ/FP differences. Regardless, I believe enneagram is much more important for compatibility, so you might have to figure out his enneagram type first. He's most likely a 1, 8, or 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by armika_armika View Post
    Ive been having lots of connections with intps type 5, is that doomed?
    No, it's not doomed. If the connection is there, it is there. You just have to be aware of your differences, and hopefully let your partner in on it too. You are both Perceivers, but the INT/ESF might clash. As for Type 5 + 7, here's the compatibility article for that:

     
    Quote Originally Posted by Grey View Post
    • Type Seven-Type Five

    Since they are both thinking types, Enneagram Fives and Sevens both bring a lot of mental energy and appreciation for ideas to their relationship. Their approach is complementary and reciprocal—each one brings something that the other does not have. On the positive side, Fives bring depth, clarity of observation, insight into the objective state of affairs, independence and self-reliance, and often a wonderfully, off-beat, whimsical sense of humor. It almost goes without saying that they have quick minds and love knowledge and intellectual pursuits. Sevens bring quickness not only of mind but of spirit—ready to do almost anything at a moment's notice, from going to a movie to booking an around the world trip, from moving the furniture across the room to moving the home to another state. Sevens are independent, although they like to have a few people around to join in the fun and to add to the celebratory, happy feeling that they are always looking for in their lives. They tend to be generous and extravagant, optimistic, gregarious, and outgoing with strangers, often the life of the party.
    Fives tend to be somewhat more frugal with money and resources, seldom spending much on themselves (unlike Sevens). Fives also tend to be private and taciturn around strangers, although they can be very funny once they get to know you and feel secure. Fives ground and deepen Sevens, giving them permission to take themselves and their interests more seriously, to focus their energies, and to stay with things until they pay off. Sevens get Fives to try new experiences and to make more social contacts. They may also run interference for Fives in social settings. Both like conversation and ideas and they love to explore new realms together. In short, this is a mixture of opposites with different attitudes about how to enjoy themselves and how to be fulfilled in the world. Fives say: "Life is short: don't expect too much." Sevens say: "Life is short: try it all." Both attitudes are true and can usefully balance the other.

    Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

    Fives tend to minimize their needs and their expectations of life, particularly whenever they are under more stress. They tend to see things in terms of scarcity and of being personally unprepared to meet the demands of the world. The result is that as pressures on them increase, Fives tend to withdraw and detach emotionally from everyone around them, and ultimately, even from themselves. They become more reclusive, isolated, disembodied minds who are difficult to break through to, much less to engage in constructive action. This pattern is very difficult on Sevens for whom quick action and having multiple escape routes is the norm. As pressures increase on them, Sevens go into hyper-drive, going more places, doing more things, talking more, getting more advice, gossiping about their relationship problems, and possibly turning to substance abuse to control their mounting anxiety and sadness. These problems only make Fives withdraw further and become frightened of someone who they see as out of control.
    In the lower Levels, Fives can see Sevens as too escapist, superficial, intrusive, and coarse. The Seven wants the Five to be more fun so that their experience will be more positive. Sevens embarrass Fives by being too effusive and glib. On the other hand, Sevens think Fives are cold and unresponsive. Conflicts with each other's style make both dig in their heels: Sevens become more demanding and pushy, whereas Fives become more withdrawn and uncooperative. Sevens may act out to get the Five's attention, but they may go too far causing Fives to close the door. A lack of trust and difficulty in finding a safe common ground to work out differences makes things worse as both types tend to take extreme, well-defended positions.

    [Source]

    Quote Originally Posted by MelanieM View Post
    The ISTJ ESFP match up would be very difficult at first. Plus lots of ISTJs seem to be 6's.
    Yes, Kiersey claims that ESFP + ISTJ = true love. However, keep in mind that they would only share one preference, which can still lead to plenty of conflict if both parties are not understanding and respectful of the differences. My aunt and uncle make that pair, and they aren't exactly in true love anymore. I believe they are Type 7 and 5 respectively.

    Also, there are not as many ISTJ 6s as you might think. There are more 1s and 5s. I've done my own preliminary research on the ISTJ forum, and the results match pretty darned well with that chart above.
    Seamaid, hazzle92, Gauntlet and 4 others thanked this post.

  9. #9

    For my sake, I hope ENTP and ISFJ works out well

    Wonder what things would like today..from observation, I would think EXXP types would be pretty big on the whole divorce spiel.
    MBTI Enthusiast thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by BroNerd View Post
    For my sake, I hope ENTP and ISFJ works out well

    Wonder what things would like today..from observation, I would think EXXP types would be pretty big on the whole divorce spiel.
    Well if she's a 2 or 9, it should work out pretty well.

    Yeah, I was disappointed when I saw that that was the 1940s... regardless, maybe they were onto something if the marriages stayed together more often then.
    BroNerd and Out0fAmmo thanked this post.


 
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