What is wrong with me??

I have had a pretty crazy last year and half or so..
I have been through a divorce that involved children..
I then had a terrible break up with my next relationship
which has all left me broke financially ,emotionally and spiritually

So it has come down to.. I have to give up my cat..

I have ads up on classified sites .. but it looks like I am going to have to take her to the humane society
and put her up for adoption..

I don't think I have ever been more hurt by anything in my entire life.. the cat that is.. I am not sure if it is just a culmination of everything.. But since the cat decision had to be made.. I feel so dead inside

I am of course wounded deeply by my failed relationships..I feel compassion. empathy, regret and remorse at their failings..

BUT... I cry harder for the cat..

Is this wrong?? is something wrong with me??

Why do I care more about the fate of a cat.. than I do the fate of people??

I am sorry for your loss. But I think it is sometimes very possible to have a deeper relationship with an animal than with another person so it does'nt sound weird or abnormal to me at all. Your cat has probably offered you unconditional love when your other relationships have'nt. Plus, you may have lost everything you shared with others but your cat was always yours.

Why do you have to give up your cat? Is there any other alternative where you might be able to keep her?

Originally Posted by docmcelroy

I am sorry for your loss. But I think it is sometimes very possible to have a deeper relationship with an animal than with another person so it does'nt sound weird or abnormal to me at all. Your cat has probably offered you unconditional love when your other relationships have'nt. Plus, you may have lost everything you shared with others but your cat was always yours.

Why do you have to give up your cat? Is there any other alternative where you might be able to keep her?

Thank you for your thoughtful words..

I really have no other options as far as the cat goes.. This is obviously my last choice..

I do not think my relationship with my cat is deeper than My human relations..

My problem is, why does it hurt more to lose a less deep connection??..

Your cat is blameless in all this, and it is completely unfair for you to have to sever a relationship that has no faults or issues. Your cat has always been stable and there in your life, requiring the same thing day in and day out, and always giving the same amount in return. In a world of chaotic human relationships that buck and bay, your relationship with your cat was so stable and unchanging that it didn't even enter your conscious thought.

And now that you're losing that one thing that has been a part of your life consistently in the background, it makes life seem all the worse. Because if you aren't even allowed to keep such a simple, innocent relationship alive then surely life isn't fair. Your relationship with your cat is symbolic of a perfect relationship that you desire with others, and is especially poignant at this time in your life, considering how miserable your situation is.

I'm very sorry you have to give up your cat. It looks like you're going to have to turn to yourself in this time in order to see things through. I can't imagine how hard that is or is going to be. And though it may seem unfair and ridiculous of me to say so, it will eventually get better. You just have to hold onto that faith, even if you only so do in the slightest. It's going to suck. Hard. But things will get better.

Originally Posted by EvilByte

Your cat is blameless in all this, and it is completely unfair for you to have to sever a relationship that has no faults or issues. Your cat has always been stable and there in your life, requiring the same thing day in and day out, and always giving the same amount in return. In a world of chaotic human relationships that buck and bay, your relationship with your cat was so stable and unchanging that it didn't even enter your conscious thought.

And now that you're losing that one thing that has been a part of your life consistently in the background, it makes life seem all the worse. Because if you aren't even allowed to keep such a simple, innocent relationship alive then surely life isn't fair. Your relationship with your cat is symbolic of a perfect relationship that you desire with others, and is especially poignant at this time in your life, considering how miserable your situation is.

I'm very sorry you have to give up your cat. It looks like you're going to have to turn to yourself in this time in order to see things through. I can't imagine how hard that is or is going to be. And though it may seem unfair and ridiculous of me to say so, it will eventually get better. You just have to hold onto that faith, even if you only so do in the slightest. It's going to suck. Hard. But things will get better.

This is well said.. and it is calming.. and I guess I am not abnormal .. thank you..

Evilbyte just expressed everything I wanted to say.

I would like to add though, that you aren't abnormal. My mother wasn't upset when her grandmother (well, her grandmother was her surrogate mother and cared for her for 20 years) died recently, but was absolutely distraught when our cat died a few weeks earlier. And was even more distraught when our dog died a few months previous to that.

I might share something... When my dog died my mum was hysterical and was crying out 'my baby, my baby!' (our dog was killed by other dogs). The dog for her was something she could totally 'own' or posses and whom would be attached to her without strings and whom would greet her at the door excitedly after work every day. There is a consistency and stability in the behaviour of our animals that my mother prizes above everything. Animals that you train to love you, generally don't hurt you (unlike a child who might, when they talk back). They are almost completely innocent in her eyes. She showed more affection and paid more attention to the dog than my siblings and I have ever received. Human-animal relations can be filled with love, and they can also be objects on which to project things on.

But the thing is- maybe she does feel incredibly hurt about her 'mothers' death. Grief works in unusual ways, as can emotions. Sometimes the impact of events/trauma doesn't truly hit us for months, years or decades. Perhaps it is not a case of you being affected by the cat more than your family circumstances. Perhaps it is a case of reacting very differently to very different issues. With animals, there is a sense of immediate loss when they are gone. There's little emotional baggage from being hurt by them, because for the most part, they don't hurt us. We immediately mourn their innocence and there isn't a whole pile of hurt, blocking us from accessing our emotions. You could say, human-animal relationships are simple in a way (even though the love is very real). Conversely, human relationships are pretty complex. You are probably experiencing a whole world of hurt, and some of that might not be accessible because of the cloud of hurt itself (if that makes sense).

What you have been through is incredibly traumatic and I sincerely wish you the best concerning your own self, your family and your cat.

Originally Posted by NatalieAnne

Evilbyte just expressed everything I wanted to say.

I would like to add though, that you aren't abnormal. My mother wasn't upset when her grandmother (well, her grandmother was her surrogate mother and cared for her for 20 years) died recently, but was absolutely distraught when our cat died a few weeks earlier. And was even more distraught when our dog died a few months previous to that.

I might share something... When my dog died my mum was hysterical and was crying out 'my baby, my baby!' (our dog was killed by other dogs). The dog for her was something she could totally 'own' or posses and whom would be attached to her without strings and whom would greet her at the door excitedly after work every day. There is a consistency and stability in the behaviour of our animals that my mother prizes above everything. Animals that you train to love you, generally don't hurt you (unlike a child who might, when they talk back). They are almost completely innocent in her eyes. She showed more affection and paid more attention to the dog than my siblings and I have ever received. Human-animal relations can be filled with love, and they can also be objects on which to project things on.

But the thing is- maybe she does feel incredibly hurt about her 'mothers' death. Grief works in unusual ways, as can emotions. Sometimes the impact of events/trauma doesn't truly hit us for months, years or decades. Perhaps it is not a case of you being affected by the cat more than your family circumstances. Perhaps it is a case of reacting very differently to very different issues. With animals, there is a sense of immediate loss when they are gone. There's little emotional baggage from being hurt by them, because for the most part, they don't hurt us. We immediately mourn their innocence and there isn't a whole pile of hurt, blocking us from accessing our emotions. You could say, human-animal relationships are simple in a way (even though the love is very real). Conversely, human relationships are pretty complex. You are probably experiencing a whole world of hurt, and some of that might not be accessible because of the cloud of hurt itself (if that makes sense).

What you have been through is incredibly traumatic and I sincerely wish you the best concerning your own self, your family and your cat.

This is also very well said.. Thank you too.. :)

It's done..

The good news is.. She was taken by a friend of my ex wife.. A very lovely Irish woman who my ex met online and even met in person who has a big house and another cat so at least mine will have a friend now.

I cried until there was nothing left inside. I think it's going to take me a long time to get over this past year.. :(