How to break up with an ENFP

Not that this really needs advisement, but it is time to finalise this relationship. Due to the implications of what is abundantly clear to be my callous nature, I wish to make this break up as amicable as possible.

It has become clear that the difference in our intellects has begun to corrode the foundations of our relationship. One obvious example is when I posited a philosophical question to her recently, and my responose became one along the lines of "Life in your head must be really busy [my name], your really into the world and how it works." - null response. This drove me to a realization. My work had kept me founded in thought and allowed me to sympathize with humans in need. I believe myself to be at a loss here.

How can this split be achieved with minimal offense on her part and minimal reassessment on mine?

She is a rather pronounced anarchist, and as it goes, she performs well on signifying relationships. Yet is inclined towards a strong attachment complex (abandonment issues) although I may apply psychological means to the break-up; I find it to be counter to apply ethics to a) someone who is not a client, b) someone whom I have a personal relationship with and c) someone who may be inclined to become unstable as a result of existent upsets in her mental state.

Please Advise.

NephilimAzrael.

why do you care about her state after you've ditched her?

Why just not tell her how you feel. Usually works.

Or the "Its not you its me" comment is also awesome

Originally Posted by slowriot

why do you care about her state after you've ditched her?

Why just not tell her how you feel. Usually works.

Or the "Its not you its me" comment is also awesome

No it isn't. It is about as short-sighted as "ditching" someone. This girl is dependent, neurotically so. I honestly do not know what possessed me to initiate the relationship aside from physical attraction and great sex.

I don't think I honestly feel anything at all. That is my point. Well, perhaps feeling responsible for potential disarray.

Originally Posted by NephilimAzrael

No it isn't. It is about as short-sighted as "ditching" someone. This girl is dependent, neurotically so. I honestly do not know what possessed me to initiate the relationship aside from physical attraction and great sex.

I don't think I honestly feel anything at all. That is my point. Well, perhaps feeling responsible for potential disarray.

Then you didn't get what I meant. Maybe you should just say that its going no where, talk to her friends about how they can help her through a break up. I did have someone that to the very end tried everything to get in touch with me. I just didn't reply back or told her I wouldn't talk to her. Finally she stopped.

But if you want help to this it must be because you might not be as resolved as you may think you are. Well its just a probable hint I get it might not be true. But still why would you care that much if you've got no feelings for her.

Originally Posted by slowriot

Then you didn't get what I meant. Maybe you should just say that its going no where, talk to her friends about how they can help her through a break up. I did have someone that to the very end tried everything to get in touch with me. I just didn't reply back or told her I wouldn't talk to her. Finally she stopped.

But if you want help to this it must be because you might not be as resolved as you may think you are. Well its just a probable hint I get it might not be true. But still why would you care that much if you've got no feelings for her.

Guess you have a point. I care for her well-being. Her friends do not. They are not exactly considerate of much outside the means of their own needs. I have also called them out on this, and as of yet, do not maintain contact with them.

The girl you speak of, has she climbed four floors (via a rain spout) to break in through your window? I do not wish to get law enforcement involved. Should her mannerisms go to extreme lengths to grab my attentions.

Originally Posted by NephilimAzrael

Guess you have a point. I care for her well-being. Her friends do not. They are not exactly considerate of much outside the means of their own needs. I have also called them out on this, and as of yet, do not maintain contact with them.

The girl you speak of, has she climbed four floors (via a rain spout) to break in through your window? I do not wish to get law enforcement involved. Should her mannerisms go to extreme lengths to grab my attentions.

No she did not well Im not going to be much more help here dont have anything else to say that can help you.

Thanks slowriot, I wouldn't ask unless the conditions were extreme. I have exhausted a great deal of my options here, and at present I am in doubt of my energies, being rather exhausted in general.

Climbing a rain spout to break in? That sounds like something I would do if I were obsessed with someone. If she is sexually submissive to you, it is likely that she practically worships you, and breaking up might be really hard on her no matter how you do it. If you can, blame it on someone else or just disappear. The two breakups that hurt me the least were the one where the guy left me because his overbearing mother didn't like me, and the one where the guy just vanished without an explanation. I have broken up with two people, and for one, I used the "mom doesn't like you" approach over the phone. For the other, I just left and wrote a letter later to explain what was going on. I know that both of those sound like chickenshit ways of breaking up, but if you use a direct approach on an NF, you will hurt her. There isn't any good way to do it.

Originally Posted by snail

Climbing a rain spout to break in? That sound like something I would do if I were obsessed with someone. If she is sexually submissive to you, it is likely that she practically worships you, and breaking up might be really hard on her no matter how you do it. If you can, blame it on someone else or just disappear. The two breakups that hurt me the least were the one where the guy left me because his overbearing mother didn't like me, and the one where the guy just vanished without an explanation. I have broken up with two people, and for one, I used the "mom doesn't like you" approach over the phone. For the other, I just left and wrote a letter later to explain what was going on. I know that both of those sound like chickenshit ways of breaking up, but if you use a direct approach on an NF, you will hurt her. There isn't any good way to do it.

Thanks for that snail. I don't know about the success of the detaching communications. That would be an awkward scenario should she react badly. How would one achieve such short of moving and barring the windows. She happens to go to the same dojo as me, and I do not intend on stopping my training.

The earlier option does seem most feasible regarding the situation, however, stating someone of sway dislikes her is rather foolish. She knows my friends, and has no inhibitions of harassing them if she believes they have committed a slight that has such an emotional impact.

You could just turn into an asshole and make her want to break up with you. If you present yourself as unworthy and undesirable, she might lose interest. If she were an INFP, I wouldn't recommend this approach, because it might take years to discourage her sufficiently, especially if patience is one of her ideals. It might, however, work on an ENFP. This isn't a painless solution, but it will allow her to maintain her self-esteem if she can place all of the blame on you, and she won't feel so helpless if she is the one making the decision to leave. You don't have to say mean things to her in order for this to work. You can just start expressing opinions that run contrary to her values, become critical of others that she feels don't deserve your criticism, and become negative overall without directing it at her.