How to get over a guy you have obsessed over for more than a year?

How to get over a guy you have obsessed over for more than a year?

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  • 1 Post By mrscientist
  • 2 Post By Erbse

This is a discussion on How to get over a guy you have obsessed over for more than a year? within the Advice Center forums, part of the The Cafe Lounge category; I'm in love with ISTP. I've reason to believe he feels the same way. But for whatever reason he has ...

  1. #1

    How to get over a guy you have obsessed over for more than a year?

    I'm in love with ISTP. I've reason to believe he feels the same way.
    But for whatever reason he has not confronted me with his feelings.
    I hate guessing games.
    I hate the "what if".

    So, I want to attack this problem with the "He's just not that into you" approach.

    How do you forget/get over a guy you have OBSESSED over, for more than a year?



  2. #2

    Tell him. Worked for me in the past. You have nothing to lose.
    Minesweeper Queen thanked this post.

  3. #3

    Quote Originally Posted by mrscientist View Post
    Tell him. Worked for me in the past. You have nothing to lose.
    This thread never struck me as one asking for an obvious, let alone reasonable solution.

    Also, an ISTP pro tip: Even if you are into the ISTP, chances are he may not be able to tell (never has been), even if it's been for over a year.
    mrscientist and Minesweeper Queen thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by Erbse View Post
    This thread never struck me as one asking for an obvious, let alone reasonable solution.

    Also, an ISTP pro tip: Even if you are into the ISTP, chances are he may not be able to tell (never has been), even if it's been for over a year.
    Thing is. I've known him for a year. I confessed my feelings for him relatively 3 months in to the saga. He texted me back saying he feels the same one, but for a few reasons, we can't be together right now (at that time).

    It's been a year since then. I thought I got over him by distancing myself away from him. I recently reconnected with him however, and it feels like it's back to square one, where we have major attraction for one another, but neither of us can articulate it - he can't because of either he is unaware as you guys have said, or because he is afraid because of the drama in his life (another story), or maybe it's just simply perhaps, he is just not that into me.

    I would think, if he had that deep a feelings for me, he would persue me move heaven and earth.

    And the more and more i talk about it, the more and more it makes sense just to confront him with the feelings.

    BUT HOW THE HECK do i do that? Do i text it to him? Or do it again, face to face? Call him? What do ISTPs prefer?

  5. #5

    Face to face. ISTPs prefer direct communication, 0plus face to face is best for these kinds of situations.

  6. #6

    I agree, talk to him in person.

    being an introvert myself, I would rather have people being direct with me when it comes to feeling.
    Good luck!

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by Minesweeper Queen View Post

    I would think, if he had that deep a feelings for me, he would persue me move heaven and earth.
    I would think so too.

    As for how I'd get over it? I usually go out there and date other people.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkrasputin View Post
    I would think so too.

    As for how I'd get over it? I usually go out there and date other people.
    Good strategy. And walk around going "gee, they don't know what they're missing."
    Another tip: The more you hate people, the more they'll like you. The more you like them, the less they like you. Irrational? Absolutely.

  9. #9

    I've been in exactly the same situation (same background story from what it sounds like, roughly the same amount of time) and I think he was an ISTP too.
    If you are like I was, you won't want to hear this but I think you need to either tone down your feelings for him or you need to slowly get over him. Ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who isn't honest with their feelings? Do you want to be with someone who you'd have to almost corner in order to admit his feelings? You might tell yourself you do now, but maybe in a less infatuated state of mind you wouldn't. Even if you like him a lot, you know you deserve better than that.
    I tried with my guy for months and months. He'd seem like he liked me, and for a while we were together, but then he'd shut down again, and things were never good. I made myself vulnerable to him so many times and before he moved away to a different country, I decided I had to lay it all out so that he'd know for sure (even though it was the most obvious thing). Do you know what he did after I told him I had feelings for him and didn't know how I'd handle not seeing him? He went quiet, and then he talked about the weather. The weather. Isn't that hilarious?
    Now hopefully your guy is less dumb than that, but it's still probably better if you get over your obsession for him. It'll help you realize if you actually like him, or are just obsessed. You really need to talk to him. You need to have him tell you exactly what he feels. If you do talk to him, and he holds back, it'll be easy to assume he's shy, but don't give him that benefit of the doubt. At that point you need to realize someone who won't tell you what's in their heart when you need it isn't worth the effort. Hopefully he'll be better than that, but if he isn't, this is just a heads up. I really hope it all goes well and that your experience is better than mine was.


 

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