Living my life in my head.

Does anyone else feel like they live their life in their head and they have nothing to account for in real life?

I feel like all I do is dream and desire. I have no tangible accomplishments, all I have accomplished is setting myself up for disappointment, creating a dreamworld in my head and then being disappointed when I realize that it's never possible. I was trying to fill out scholarships today, and I couldn't find a single one that I met the requirements for. So many of them require things community service, extra-curricular activities, sports involvement, and I have none of those. I just sit inside my head all day, accomplishing nothing that 'matters.' Every attempt I actually make at trying to do something gets quickly shot down, I have no willpower at all. I 'want' to do so many things, but never actually do them. If something takes a lot of work and practice, I quickly shy away. I am impatient, and it seems like the only hobby I can truly enjoy to the fullest is photography because there is a direct result and I don't have to wait around for the final result.

Is there a way to help put myself to better use? I can has help? :]

I feel like this a lot, mostly it comes from generating unrealistic expectations of myself and also simply forgetting or ignoring the achievements i have made. But I too live a lot of the time in a world of 'what is possible', and reality can be a colossal disapointment by comparison - in those circumstances it's no surprise that it's hard to motivate yourself for the real world which seems often so limited by comparison to your own internal world.

I've tried various things to get me moving forward. Mostly i try to concentrate on achieving one particular 'real world' goal at a time - there is no point setting myself up to fail, so that goal must be something i believe in & something that can realistically be done by me at that moment. I have had to make myself a bit more self-disciplined and recognise when it is me that is holding me back, rather than the disapointments of the real world.

Please dont doubt the value of the thinking and imagining that goes on inside your head though - you are that way because it's the way your brain works. Many people just dont have anything like that imaginative capacity, they never have an original thought in their life - the problem isnt that you spend a lot of time in your own world, the problem is finding a way to channel that that allows you to achieve the real world things that are important to you too. Perhaps the real world goals you have at the moment are ones you dont really believe in, or that arnt right for you, and that's why you cant get motivated for them? I honestly dont believe that your problem is an inability to be motivated - after all, your imagination is highly motivated and creative - but i wonder if you would benifit from considering what real world things might motivate you the most. Especially the real world things that allow you to draw upon your creativity and abundance of ideas.

^^I'm really growing to love his posts

The one thing I wanted to add was that not only do I think you should remember the value of thinking and imagining, but I also think you should try not to discount it as a tangible "thing" when applying for colleges or scholarships or talking to advisers or whatever. I'm not sure about the college you're looking at, but I found mine to be very intuitive-friendly. A professor's respect can go a loong way towards making connections or opening up paths in life, and the INxx types (if you can practice in your mind and get yourself ready to explain your thoughts to them) have a tremendous edge on everyone else because they love the original ideas.

So, that to say... basically what musical did. If the real-world goals you have today aren't really yours, but only things that you think are "real-world goals" because the people around you tend to cling to them, you might very quickly find out in the next few years that an awfully lot of people (/professors and stuff) are more impressed by the things you think about than they would be about any of the other physical things that you could have done instead.

Well, that's just about everything I could have said on the subject. Only far more in-depth and eloquent than I could have managed.

One thing I could add: I find that sometimes it helps to keep me in the real world when I make sure to get something done each and every day, even if that something is only the laundry. It's not truly a great day unless I can cross something off my list. Also, see if you can't get a J friend or family member to gently remind you to get things done once in a while.

I've gotten to the point where I hate my dreams, my creativity, and my idealism; because they distract me from reality. I'm a self-loathing INFP.

Originally Posted by Beloved

I've gotten to the point where I hate my dreams, my creativity, and my idealism; because they distract me from reality. I'm a self-loathing INFP.

beloved - i think you have a long and hard road in front of you, but the destination at the end will very probably be one where you are once again happy with and proud of your dreams, your creativity and your idealism - they will drive and shape your reality and define the best parts of it.

I've been in a similar place to where you are now - perhaps not caused by the same circumstances, but I did come to wonder that as the common element of all the problems in my life was me, then I was likely to be the problem itself... I have doubted my ability to make something of my life, to find a career that will be satisfying for me, and most of all whether i will find the special person that i want to share it all with. But when i am at my lowest point, what i still have are the ideals and innate abilities that make me me. They are not a liability but my greatest strength.

You have all your skills and talents and abilities still, and you are fortunate to have them in the first place - but if you have realised that you have misused or squandered or mismanaged those talents and character traits then that might hopefully help you learn how to apply them better and use better judgement in the future. May I suggest that you sound not only frustrated with the world but angry and disapointed in yourself? If so, try to give yourself a break. It is not that you lack the intrinsic ability to lead a happy life or there is a fault in your programming - rather you need to chart the correct course for you and make better use of those things that define you.

Ask yourself this - when you have screwed up in the past or been screwed over by someone else, was that because of the gifts that you have or was it because of your judgement in using them? Good judgement can be learned, especially as an INFP. The gifts you have can't be.

I need help with this, too! The dream world doesn't pay the rent, & the job at the paper is hardly sufficing. I feel the same as you on so many levels. Photography gives me the exact satisfaction you are stating, but it is not necessarily something I want to make a career out of. Career! What is that? College? Never heard of it. Sorry Mom, sorry Dad. I am afraid I will be fifty years into my life before finding something that gives me enough motivation to act on & pursue.

Originally Posted by moonchild

I need help with this, too! The dream world doesn't pay the rent, & the job at the paper is hardly sufficing. I feel the same as you on so many levels. Photography gives me the exact satisfaction you are stating, but it is not necessarily something I want to make a career out of. Career! What is that? College? Never heard of it. Sorry Mom, sorry Dad. I am afraid I will be fifty years into my life before finding something that gives me enough motivation to act on & pursue.

I'm a little bit different on this one - I need to have some sense of direction and a plan so if in doubt I 'create' one to latch onto. ie I think ''right, ok, i fancy working as an X, so i will go on the course and apply for jobs and become an X'', this gives me a plan which i like and some sense of purpose, in fact everything to disguise the fact that in reality I'm not that enthused about being X but hate the aimless wandering watching the years roll by and me getting older that happens without me latching onto a plan. This explains why I did a 4 year law degree, then worked as a sales rep for a wine & spirit company then ended up as a financial advisor before being made redundant...

I dont know if this need to 'have a plan' - even if it's a plan with swiss cheese style holes in it - is because of me being a 'J' rather than a 'P', like most of the other posters on this thread.

None of those jobs are really me - they served a purpose of giving me enough money to allow me to pursue intersts outside of work which were my real motovation and enjoyment zones. How great it would be to find a career path that I woke up and looked forward to, that I knew I was good at and could make a difference in the world with. Untill then with the best will in the world the dream world is not a bad thing really. I couldn't do without it as part of who i am. But when it is all that there is I become very restless and dissatified and have to set myself some path to follow, some goal to reach, I couldnt be able to not do so.

I have yet to find a job that favors INFPs. I agree with you that writing seems to be a suitable choice, but to do it professionally one needs a college education. And that is difficult to acquire with the lack of concentration/constant daydreaming and the structured environment of a university.

Originally Posted by Beloved

I have yet to find a job that favors INFPs. I agree with you that writing seems to be a suitable choice, but to do it professionally one needs a college education. And that is difficult to acquire with the lack of concentration/constant daydreaming and the structured environment of a university.

That might be dealt with to a certain extent if the subject matter is genuinely interesting to you, you enjoy it and are being rewarded through satisfaction for your efforts? How about if you could study what you are daydreaming about, or at least something related... If that's impossible, perhaps what you are daydreaming about needs to be 'sorted out' in your mind, if it is a problem or worry you are thinking about, before you can realistically embark on a major project.