Moody Father

I'm having this problem with my father, who seems to have gone off and decided to be angry today. He and my mother were preparing to purchase a new vehicle since the lease on my mothers is up and my fathers is breaking down. During this time, my father asks my mother to head up to the post office and purchase some stamps , she accepts and goes. This is where the problem starts.

After about five minutes, my father calls my mother, asking her where she is. My mother (on speaker phone) states that she'll be there in about ten minutes, having taken a side trip to Meijers after being asked to babysit my niece. My father, in a playful tone states that " thats not fair" and hangs up the phone. What he means by "thats not fair" is unclear to my mother and I at this point. My mother gets home and ended up having to purchase the wrong stamps due to the post office not having any of the right kind, and my father flies off the handle. He starts berating her, yelling at her that she "has no clue about life" and "how he has to do everything" and how generally useless he believes she is. He then starts hounding her like a drill sargent, telling her what to do, giving her minimal information, just so he can watch her squirm and crack under the pressure. Later, after me and my mom have returned home after some outside business, he still is treating my mother like garbage, giving her the silent treatment and shutting her down when she tries to ask whats wrong and what she can do to help.

This is not the first time he's done something like this. He's been on and off like this since he's retired, and its been a vicious cycle ever since. I'm sick of my mother being another punching bag in Dadsland, where everything he says is the written word of God, and any opposition must be utterly destroyed or manipulated until it fits his pre-existing mold. He's done this very thing to me as well, and quite frankly me and my mother are fed up with it.

We've though about sitting him down and discussing whats been going on, but we're afraid of everything falling on deaf ears.

Advice on what to do?

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Just to give some personality info to see if its any help: my father is an ISTJ and my mother is an ISFP.

i think it might be a good idea to speak to your mum when your dad isnt there. Ask her why she is putting up with this and tell her how you feel about it. Then try and talk to your dad, but as a team you and your mum need to stick together, if your dad gets worse i think perhaps you should advise your mum to leave your dad and tell her you'll stick by her so she does not feel alone. Give your dad an ultimatum seek help/change your ways or goodbye.

Originally Posted by Alexa

i think it might be a good idea to speak to your mum when your dad isnt there. Ask her why she is putting up with this and tell her how you feel about it. Then try and talk to your dad, but as a team you and your mum need to stick together, if your dad gets worse i think perhaps you should advise your mum to leave your dad and tell her you'll stick by her so she does not feel alone. Give your dad an ultimatum seek help/change your ways or goodbye.

We're definitely working on handling situations where my dad gets this way, and it appears to be working. He seems to be opening up more now, and my mother is taking steps to stand up for herself more, so I think everything will turn out alright. My father really is good intentioned, its just that he has no idea how to handle things concerning family because he is so used to commanding a team, so I think thats the area we need to work on him with. Thank you for the advice. :)

Your father is communicating in the only way he knows how. Your right, he is used to commanding a team and now that he is retired you and your mom is that team. Habits are hard to break. I think things will turn out ok. Your mom might want remind him that she is his wife, not a coworker, and that the rules are different now. Some down time, like family activities, especially with other families would be helpful. He'll see how other fathers and husbands communicate and learn something.