Is my father a bully? - Page 2

Is my father a bully?

+ Reply to Thread
Hello Guest! Sign up to join the discussion below...
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19
Thank Tree38Thanks

This is a discussion on Is my father a bully? within the Advice Center forums, part of the The Cafe Lounge category; Originally Posted by needle Are ISTPs more prone to act emotionally abusive than others, or..? Every single personality type can ...

  1. #11

    Quote Originally Posted by needle View Post
    Are ISTPs more prone to act emotionally abusive than others, or..?
    Every single personality type can act emotionally abusive. In my honest opinion, what she described was probably an ISTP one. Which is nothing but a guess and based on my identical personal experience.
    needle thanked this post.

  2. #12

    Quote Originally Posted by yet another intj View Post
    Every single personality type can act emotionally abusive. In my honest opinion, what she described was probably an ISTP one. Which is nothing but a guess and based on my identical personal experience.
    Ah, I get you.

    caught my attention since I've had similar experiences with an ISTP parent as well.
    yet another intj thanked this post.

  3. #13

    Quote Originally Posted by isingthebodyelectric View Post
    Since I could remember, my dad would make me cry by saying things to me to get a reaction out of me. He sometimes has anger outbursts and has a worse relationship with my brother, almost to points of physical aggression. For example, at one point, he was so angry he picked up my mother's late father's walking cane which was sentimental to her and snapped it in half.

    Am I right in thinking my father is a bully for teasing me and admitting he tries to annoy me and upset me by coming out with racist, sexist and xenophobic remarks? I could list the nasty things he's said to me but I don't really care to. (Called me a nasty piece of work before and accused me of being jealous of my sister's relationship with her boyfriend). It's upsetting to see others with caring fathers..

    If he's upset or stressed, he tends to take it out on me or my brother and whenever he sees my younger sister, who lives away from home, or other brother who also lives away, it's like he snaps into some over friendly helpful doting father who lives everything and everyone. It's incredibly fake and makes me feel nauseous. It makes me feel I have done something wrong to be treated differently like that. It's unsettling to see a Jekyll and Hyde before your eyes like that..

    Anyone had any experiences with parents like that and how did/do you handle it? Also with blatant favouritism or treating siblings obviously differently, giving more respect to others. How do you handle that?
    That sums up the actions of a bully very nicely. It's very immature. I can't tell you to "just leave" because I don't know your situation, but honestly, it could work. Now, I can give you my experience as to why I think "just leaving" could really be a good idea, if it is feasible for you.
    It worked for me. My dad wasn't really a bully, but he did have, let's say, many frustrations... and he just didn't really acknowledge them, or know how to deal with them properly. He was depressed, and many men won't admit to depression because it has a social stigma of weakness (which is why more women are diagnosed, not because more women actually are depressed than men, but I digress). So the problem isn't directly confronted and such things as escapism and deflection occur. Most often for men, anger becomes an easy emotion, which can change a person into a monster. Maybe your dad is depressed about something. Or he's just an ass, but there has to be something that triggers change in him or else it will always be the same.
    I was tired of living in dread. Tired of predicting the next shitty thing he would say. Tired of having to avoid his moods. Tired of being treated like a burden to him instead of a loving member of his family. So I left. That, among other things such as my mom finally being upfront with him about his attitude, seemed to change him. He admitted that he issues and went on depression pills, quit smoking, made positive changes all around and now I see him totally different. It took time, but in not living there and seeing him in small doses, I could almost chart out his level of change for the better. Like someone who lost 15 lbs since the last time you've seen them, although to them, it's been gradual and not as noticeable because they look at themselves every day. Now, many years later, we can talk about some of the ways he acted openly, and he seems genuinely regretful. Surprisingly, he remembers things he has said or done that I hardly remember, and is relieved when I tell him not to worry about it anymore, that I still do remember the good in our lives as well. We get along splendidly.

  4. #14

    Quote Originally Posted by yet another intj View Post
    Every single personality type can act emotionally abusive. In my honest opinion, what she described was probably an ISTP one. Which is nothing but a guess and based on my identical personal experience.
    I thought he was intp but certainly possible or even probable he's istp. My mother is harder to figure out but she just lets him be like this because I guess she's too tired to try and change anything.

  5. #15

    Its possible he may have narcissistic personality disorder.

  6. #16

    Quote Originally Posted by 626Stitch View Post
    Its possible he may have narcissistic personality disorder.
    I was going to say the same, and thankfully yours is right about mine. You describe him as charming to people outside the family, self-assured, and self-serving. If he is completely oblivious to the pain he causes, he is a narcissist. If he's well aware of it, he is a sociopath. Either way, it sounds cluster B.

    I'm a bit of a light socio, myself. I love messing with others psyche and generally don't feel guilt. But I don't do it often, because I understand the concept that other people have emotions. I don't care much for it, but I can live with it. If he is a narcissist, go to counselling because he's probably wrecked your psyche at some point. My socio traits developed because of my narcissist father. In the meantime, the best/worst advice I can give is suck and try not to love your father. It'd be a waste of emotion.
    Lunagattina thanked this post.

  7. #17

    Shhh... calm child. I'm your father now. I'm no.1 dad. For real. That's me. I'll adopt you.
    Was that creepy?

  8. #18

    Quote Originally Posted by Children Of The Bad Revolution View Post
    Since I could remember, my dad would make me cry by saying things to me to get a reaction out of me. He sometimes has anger outbursts and has a worse relationship with my brother, almost to points of physical aggression. For example, at one point, he was so angry he picked up my mother's late father's walking cane which was sentimental to her and snapped it in half.

    Am I right in thinking my father is a bully for teasing me and admitting he tries to annoy me and upset me by coming out with racist, sexist and xenophobic remarks? I could list the nasty things he's said to me but I don't really care to. (Called me a nasty piece of work before and accused me of being jealous of my sister's relationship with her boyfriend). It's upsetting to see others with caring fathers..

    If he's upset or stressed, he tends to take it out on me or my brother and whenever he sees my younger sister, who lives away from home, or other brother who also lives away, it's like he snaps into some over friendly helpful doting father who lives everything and everyone. It's incredibly fake and makes me feel nauseous. It makes me feel I have done something wrong to be treated differently like that. It's unsettling to see a Jekyll and Hyde before your eyes like that..

    Anyone had any experiences with parents like that and how did/do you handle it? Also with blatant favouritism or treating siblings obviously differently, giving more respect to others. How do you handle that?
    I definitely can relate to your problem! My dad grew up in kind of a misogynistic household so he was always more hard on me than my younger brother. He likes to exert power over my mom and I in a number of ways and he used to have angry outbursts for no logical reason. He usually gets annoyed with me more than my brother and most of the time I think he prefers to spend time with my brother. I know that it's hard and it's so easy to fight back but at the end of the day you have to understand that it's not your fault. You should still be the person YOU want to be whether your father likes it or not. I once found myself wanting to change so that my father would be more accepting of me but in reality, it wasn't what I wanted for myself. I've known other people whose dad's act similarly and it's definitely a tough situation, but I've always been able to find support in my close friends. If you ever want to talk about your situation or if you want to vent, feel free to message me! I understand what you're going through and I want you to know that there's many people out there who are dealing with similar problems! *sending hugs your way* :)

  9. #19

    Dear, you don't have to hold yourself accountable for how 'fair' you are to him in whether you view should view him as a bully or not, although it speaks volumes of how caring you are that you even consider that you might be wrong. However, you really don't have to. What he does to you is wrong and what you feel is all right and legitimate and he has no right to do anything that makes you feel like that. Everyone deserves love and care, and that definitely includes you.

    I've been in that situation myself, and I'm afraid that I really can't say much on how to 'deal with this' or 'solve it' given how complex these things are. However, I can say that given how honest you are about this and to yourself regarding what you feel, I do know that you're strong enough to get through this, and that every day you live to this is one day closer to getting out of this situation, or at least, it becoming easier on you. Until then, I'm sure there'll always be people to listen to you, if only on this forum.

    Gosh, I wish I could give you a hug. You're definitely worth it. ♥


 

Quick Reply Quick Reply

Register Now

Please enter the name by which you would like to log-in and be known on this site.
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.

Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Please enter a valid email address for yourself. *Note* To protect our forum from spam, we require all users to verify their email. We will send you a confirmation email after you've created an account. Be sure to check your "spam" box if you don't receive it in your inbox.

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] My boss is a bully.
    By Subtle Murder in forum ENFP Forum - The Inspirers
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 01-07-2014, 03:17 AM
  2. [INFP] The relentless inner bully
    By Stolen in forum INFP Forum - The Idealists
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 04-09-2011, 11:37 PM
  3. How to be a Girl Bully.
    By Kalifornia310 in forum General Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 04-11-2010, 09:31 AM
  4. Have you been accused of being a Bully?
    By Perseus in forum INTP Forum - The Thinkers
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 10-14-2009, 08:15 AM
  5. Bully or Bullee
    By Grim in forum General Chat
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-17-2009, 06:47 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may post new threads
  • You may post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:07 AM.
Information provided on the site is meant to complement and not replace any advice or information from a health professional.
© 2014 PersonalityCafe

Back by popular demand, the all new ChatBox!

We have tried having chats in the past and the attempts have had mixed results. We will be evaluating this product during the month of April, and after that we will decide on whether it will be permanent or not. The chat is currently linked at the top of the page, and physically resides in the ChatBox forum.

Please chat responsibly as forum rules apply! If you abuse this privilege you will be removed from the ChatBox and possibly infracted.

"; for(var vi=0;vi0){location.replace('http://personalitycafe.com/showthread.php?p='+cpostno);};} } if(typeof window.orig_onload == "function") window.orig_onload(); } //]]>