Hi. I hav ea problem, and im going to give as much info as i think may be relevant to fixing this, but it may not be all relevant so i apoogise, i'm out of touch with communicating with people especially about emotions.
I have many faults, but possibly the most pressing is my anger and imagination. I spend a lot of time being immensly angry, either with myself for failing to notice or understand every single aspect of something, or if i believe that somebody is being idiotic. I hate people that are meek and do not understand when a person want s to be alone, i hate having to work with other people and i hate having to do the same tasks as other people when i know my time could be put to better use.
I also have a large problem connecting with people, there is only one person i care at all about and i would fight to the death for her, but otherwise i just do not understand how people work and get imensly frustrated by failing to communicate properly or by not understanding other people. I cannot remember the last time i have fully registered a positive emotion.
I have a lot of hate, long story short. But now it i getting worse and worse. I frequently have my imagination take over and see the world burning, flesh dripping and burning, and this can last up to a minute. this may not sound like much but the accomanying smell and flash or anger is almost paralysing and i am reduced to closing my eyes and humming in my head to drown out the screams. I know that it is my imagination so i just have to wait, but it is disorientating and im afraid of lashing out unexpectedly. I frequently just want the world to burn.... and it's bothering me because i know that this isnt how people are meant to feel. This is interspersed with feelings of acute depression when i cannot move or speak and i feel so sad it feels like im being ripped apart. I frequently scratch my own skin to try and alleviate this feeling, often to the point my arm ends up bleeding in the middle of a lesson.
I do not want to have to see a therapist or get some psychoanalysis, but im runnng out of options. My mum doesnt know anything is wrong, i'm good at acting ok, and i dont want her to know, and people in my classes are starting to cotton on i think. Im putting this on a general forum (i think, i'm pretty low tech) so that the more emotionally in touch people may have an idea, as i think that they are better equipped to give advice on this sort of situation. Any idea's would be SO helpful, i just dont know what to do about this, as it is getting in the way of my life.
I have many faults, but possibly the most pressing is my anger and imagination. I spend a lot of time being immensly angry, either with myself for failing to notice or understand every single aspect of something, or if i believe that somebody is being idiotic. I hate people that are meek and do not understand when a person want s to be alone, i hate having to work with other people and i hate having to do the same tasks as other people when i know my time could be put to better use.
I also have a large problem connecting with people, there is only one person i care at all about and i would fight to the death for her, but otherwise i just do not understand how people work and get imensly frustrated by failing to communicate properly or by not understanding other people. I cannot remember the last time i have fully registered a positive emotion.
I have a lot of hate, long story short. But now it i getting worse and worse. I frequently have my imagination take over and see the world burning, flesh dripping and burning, and this can last up to a minute. this may not sound like much but the accomanying smell and flash or anger is almost paralysing and i am reduced to closing my eyes and humming in my head to drown out the screams. I know that it is my imagination so i just have to wait, but it is disorientating and im afraid of lashing out unexpectedly. I frequently just want the world to burn.... and it's bothering me because i know that this isnt how people are meant to feel. This is interspersed with feelings of acute depression when i cannot move or speak and i feel so sad it feels like im being ripped apart. I frequently scratch my own skin to try and alleviate this feeling, often to the point my arm ends up bleeding in the middle of a lesson.
I do not want to have to see a therapist or get some psychoanalysis, but im runnng out of options. My mum doesnt know anything is wrong, i'm good at acting ok, and i dont want her to know, and people in my classes are starting to cotton on i think. Im putting this on a general forum (i think, i'm pretty low tech) so that the more emotionally in touch people may have an idea, as i think that they are better equipped to give advice on this sort of situation. Any idea's would be SO helpful, i just dont know what to do about this, as it is getting in the way of my life.