My childhood started off with such promise, I was raised poor in a small town in Northeast Kansas. I was really smart as a child at 6 I tested into 9th grade reading, and sat in the back of a college anatomy course at age 8 receiving C's throughout the course, though I was not officially enrolled. I was extremely strong in all science's (dave for Physics, I never really tried that field), I could give you an answer to nearly any question you could propose to me. I attended public school for the a time but than my mother decided I needed to be home schooled.If you could meet her you would quickly realize there was something off about her, she has absolutely no social skills what so ever, she is incapable of empathy, she bulldozes any one who test her religious beliefs, she is a fundamentalist christian. She dropped out of high school when she was 16, she has very obvious social anxiety disorder and perceived everyone around her to be bullying her, though in my experience she hears what she wants to hear.
She has a love affair with hating the public school system, for the cliched reasons a christian fundamentalist would list. As a result I was given a steady dose of dangerous, inaccurate information meant to distorte ones worldview of basic science and logic. Young earth creationism, extreme capitalism, conspiracy theories such as the Great Depression was faked by the liberal media to institute socialism. My typical day of being homeschooled revolved around me arguing against everything I was being taught I remember at age 5 thinking religion was stupid, and being told non-scientific fantasies such as these really angered me. I was worn down by the time I hit highschool, I was forced to fight not only with my own family on a daily basis but the low effort thinking that the culture I grew up in worked within (good o'l boy logic). I wish I was making this all up but Kansas really is like being inside Michele Bachmann's head. I got lazy, I had to teach myself everything on my own, as I was oppressed, science, calculus, art history, history, biology, etc... My mother believes she must regulate everything from a religious point of view, music is of the devil, so was TV, though my father didn't care, so I at least had that. I attended a community college in high school, I did okay in some courses, others were eh, I got an A in Physics. At 19 I left home and went to a major state run university, I enrolled in Biology, and was unable to do it, which is sad. I did major in Physics for a while and I am really good at quantum mechanics and astrophysics but I can't deal with the stress that comes with exams. Plus I taught myself everything I know so it really is me who is to blame if I can't figure it out. So I decided to major in poli sci and english, but I hate not being in a STEM field. The thing I hate most is being type cast into the role of the "home schooled" kid, I have to live a completely different existence than I really am inside. I have to be smart, I have to be smarter than everyone around me, I spend all of my time trying to impress people with my intelligence. I met a guy on my dorm floor who could program in C language, everyone was impressed by his ability so I taught myself C++,Java, C, Objective C and though I may only be average in some of these languages it doesn't matter because now I can be seen as better by everyone around me. I hate this about myself, I feel as if I will buckle under my own intelligence, I feel that I live a massive lie, I feel physically ill. You have a STEM guy at heart who was held back and now forced to do these liberal arts degrees he hates and compensates for it with knowledge. I am so sick of this I now have nothing to do with people, I will forever be labeled home schooled, I will always have people pre judging me, my intelligence will always be in question. I hate religion so much I want to eradicate it from the face of the earth. Why did everyone stand still while this woman did this to me? Think of what I could have done for the human race, college should be me adding to my knowledge, not playing catch up. I think about death constantly, I also should point out I have had a IQ test and have an IQ of 151, my MBTI type is XNTP, my enneagram is type 3w4 and I have ADHD-PI (ADD). I have also been forced to teach myself how to write papers, how to take test, etc, I do have a 3.3 GPA and I am a junior.