How to be less socially awkward?

How to be less socially awkward?

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This is a discussion on How to be less socially awkward? within the Advice Center forums, part of the The Cafe Lounge category; Hi everyone. I'm pretty socially awkward, I realize. It's a bit depressing, to be honest. I'm introverted but I do ...

  1. #1

    How to be less socially awkward?

    Hi everyone. I'm pretty socially awkward, I realize. It's a bit depressing, to be honest. I'm introverted but I do get lonely when I spend a while without people, especially if everyone around me seems to be having a good time. Sometimes I'll talk to people and keep a conversation going, but I have absolutely no idea how to talk to strangers. Most of the people I know have connections to someone I'm really close to.

    I'd like to meet more people (and even a potential boyfriend) but I don't really know how to.

    All of my friends pre-college were close friends from elementary school. Plus, I grew up in a household that didn't really foster social development.
    Starflakes and meltedsorbet thanked this post.



  2. #2

    My sister used to be super shy and socially awkward. She still feels shy, but she's learned how to push through it :) What she started off doing was setting social "goals" for herself. "Today, I'm going to tell someone in passing that I like their shirt." "Today, I'm just going to smile at that person." "Today, I'm going to..." you get the picture. Just set little social goals for yourself everyday. Eventually, she worked her way up to starting conversations with guys and such things :) Just take it a step at a time and gain that confidence ;) You'll do great ^.^
    caramel_choctop, nottie, MirrorSmile and 4 others thanked this post.

  3. #3

    Thanks so much for your encouragement :) Maybe I should make a 'goal' notebook or something. I remember in middle school, I really went out of my shell and felt on top of the world when I realized that people weren't judging me as harshly as I was judging myself. It's just that I've seemed to have fallen into old habits again. I've almost felt like crying, starting college up again...it seems like everyone is having a ball and I can't muster up the courage to mingle.

    My roommate is on a date tonight (she didn't tell me about it but I heard from a friend), and I feel happy for her. But to be honest, I also feel a little jealous because I can't see a guy taking an interest in me like that :/ But then again, how can he if he doesn't know I exist?

    /sorry, venting/
    Ace Face thanked this post.

  4. #4

    The best way to get over any fear is to start doing it until the fear is replaced by confidence and then by uncosciousness it becomes a part of you .
    caramel_choctop thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Practice builds confidence.

    Invest in loss -> Fail 100 times and you will no longer fear it.

    That's literally all there is to it. Anything else is procrastination.

  6. #6

    I am personally a believer of this little process called "Fake it 'til you Make it."

    Be comfortable with yourself. Then: be confident in yourself. You're only ever you. People will like you for who you are.

    If all else fails, just keep smiling. You'd be surprised how approachable a person can look with just an upturn of the lips.

  7. #7

    Videos. At least 50 of them. You will see marked progress each time. Doesn't matter which kind.
    Ringed Raygun thanked this post.

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by Elvira View Post
    Thanks so much for your encouragement :) Maybe I should make a 'goal' notebook or something. I remember in middle school, I really went out of my shell and felt on top of the world when I realized that people weren't judging me as harshly as I was judging myself. It's just that I've seemed to have fallen into old habits again. I've almost felt like crying, starting college up again...it seems like everyone is having a ball and I can't muster up the courage to mingle.

    My roommate is on a date tonight (she didn't tell me about it but I heard from a friend), and I feel happy for her. But to be honest, I also feel a little jealous because I can't see a guy taking an interest in me like that :/ But then again, how can he if he doesn't know I exist?

    /sorry, venting/
    A goal notebook is a great idea :) Just baby steps. Like you said, this isn't something you've never done before. You did it when you were much younger and much more immature, and you can do it again. People really aren't judging you as harshly as you judged yourself. ...Keep reinforcing those positive thoughts! :) I'd like to encourage you to stop feeding your mind poison. Look at those bolded words and think about what kind of effect those words have had on your mind. Words like "I can't..." are nonsense! You can and you will because you want it. Don't let your mind hold you back any more. Take control of your mind instead of letting it control you ;)
    Elvira thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Fake it till you make it.

  10. #10

    I found this website: succeedsocially.com to be of great help. It has lots of free and quality guides for working on social skills. It's written by an introverted guy who felt he wasn't living life to the fullest and decided to improve his social skills. I'm sure it has a lot of what you're looking for (ie. how to talk to strangers, how to mingle in parties, etc.).

    Also, I found that the fake it 'til you make it advice offered here doesn't always work. It didn't work for me, because I felt that my outgoing, social persona wasn't always me. I can be charming and friendly and outgoing, but there are times when I just want to be by myself, read a book, or be lost in contemplation. Most people think I'm an outgoing and social person, and I'm definitely not an introvert, but I felt that sometimes with people I had to always be "on" (especially with shy, quiet types)--I had to take the lead, crack jokes, initiate conversation, etc.--and that tires me out. I sometimes had to "fake it" because I just wasn't in the mood to socialize, but I don't think you can ever "make it" because at the end of the day you're tired and just revert back to yourself. Even as an extrovert, when I'm not feeling sociable, I "fake it" (make conversation, tell anecdotes, make jokes, etc.) but I don't "make it" as inside I still want to just be by myself and wish the other person could go away.
    nottie, Saira and stephiphi thanked this post.


 
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