Am I too old/prude?

Am I too old/prude?

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This is a discussion on Am I too old/prude? within the Advice Center forums, part of the The Cafe Lounge category; So I am a 24 yr old ENFP, who for the longest part of my existence have been taking pride ...

  1. #1

    Am I too old/prude?

    So I am a 24 yr old ENFP, who for the longest part of my existence have been taking pride in my open mind. Suddenly it's not the case.

    The other day I was on tumblr and was struck by the enormity of *James Deen* fans, to discover that the dude in the pics is in fact a porn star. Upon digging deeper, turns out he has a personal blog where he interacts with fans and describes his career/life. Then you find the cute girls on tumblr (I assume their cute because most of their posts make it look like they are 13 or smth) who make cutesy James Deen memes and GIFs claiming him to be their hero, and declaring other porn stars to be their role models.

    Now my horror and shock at this might not be understandable for most of you. I myself am wondering whether this is a side effect of my pregnancy? Why am I suddenly so terrified of bringing a kid into this world.. maybe because I fear we will have a serious lack of communication..

    Are these fears shared among others parents here?
    Promethea, PyrLove, Eerie and 1 others thanked this post.



  2. #2

    It is perfectly understandable; for quite a while I have been feeling that many children lack suitable role models, making them feel more inclined to accept representations of equality or carefree figures in the media, which sadly seems to be shaping the public's world views in place of parenting absences or moral judgements where many things are becoming either too PC or 'sexualised' since the advent of the internet when people rarely wish to see behind the veil to find true flaws.

    To be honest I have been noticing a cultural shift in celebrity or TV values for the last 10 years (I'm only a year older, lol), in the UK at least where superficial 'celebrities' are given fame and less is heard about their positive aspects outside of 'gossip magazines' ; at times seems to be very little desire to look for local role models (e.g. teachers, neighbours, employers, family) or a lower sense of ambition (in some, not all) where modern generations may seek the jet set lifestyle at any cost.

    *Old soul cynical rant over, operations resume as normal Xd*
    starri, Promethea, Eerie and 1 others thanked this post.

  3. #3

    Yeah, kids these days have sex at 12-13 maybe younger. They also do things like take hard drugs like methamphetamine.

    Why do I know this? I know people who grew up that way.

    What can be done about it? I don't know. I'm sorry.
    starri and Eerie thanked this post.

  4. #4

    I really fail to a see a problem with that.
    starri, Drewbie, Stephen and 1 others thanked this post.

  5. #5

    Quote Originally Posted by starri View Post
    So I am a 24 yr old ENFP, who for the longest part of my existence have been taking pride in my open mind. Suddenly it's not the case.

    The other day I was on tumblr and was struck by the enormity of *James Deen* fans, to discover that the dude in the pics is in fact a porn star. Upon digging deeper, turns out he has a personal blog where he interacts with fans and describes his career/life. Then you find the cute girls on tumblr (I assume their cute because most of their posts make it look like they are 13 or smth) who make cutesy James Deen memes and GIFs claiming him to be their hero, and declaring other porn stars to be their role models.

    Now my horror and shock at this might not be understandable for most of you. I myself am wondering whether this is a side effect of my pregnancy? Why am I suddenly so terrified of bringing a kid into this world.. maybe because I fear we will have a serious lack of communication..

    Are these fears shared among others parents here?
    I don't think it has anything to do with your age, or that you are a prude. I find it disturbing in general to have a porn star be one's role model. Made even more disturbing when it's children. Kind of makes me wonder where the parents are in these situations. I have a six year old daughter, and I know as much as I want to I cannot really shield her from crap like this, but I can be there to educate her and to guide her as best as I can. I think that keeping communication open between child and parent is incredibly important. I also think that there are a lot of overly permissive parents who try too hard to be their child's best friends instead of being a parent, and a role model.
    starri, Promethea, BlissfulDreams and 5 others thanked this post.

  6. #6

    Something like this would bother me as well - but not too much so. I probably would focus more time in keeping my kids busy/distracted by more important things. I think what lacks sometimes is purpose/objective in life which results in all this wasted time.

    There has to be some sort of balance between nurturing/mentoring kids with a bit of an iron fist versus freedom.

    There's a lot of things that can be controlled and that fall in the domain of parents, and one of the things that we can control as people is what sort of values we inculcate in our children. They don't learn as much from the environment as they do from parents. We can't protect them from every evil, but we can educate them with broader perspectives and answer all their questions openly.

    I mean, if my kid at the age of 13-14 comes up to me and shows me a pic of a pornstar he/she found on the internet [which probably won't happen, so let's say I find it on their computer], I'd probably smirk and tell him/her who it is, what they do, what they're doing means in the grand scheme of society [both good and bad] - and take it from there. Everything is discussable. Nothing should be left unanswered in the mind of the child - but nothing should be forced upon them either [until and unless it's something that's for their own good - like getting good grades - they better get good grades - and participating in healthy extra curricular activities].

    If I find that there are kinks in their development which could result in the misuse of the internet [or them getting misused by others - which is also a possibility], then I'd focus on teaching/mentoring them more and getting them to mature more quickly.
    starri, Eerie, goodgracesbadinfluence and 4 others thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by StElmosDream View Post
    It is perfectly understandable; for quite a while I have been feeling that many children lack suitable role models, making them feel more inclined to accept representations of equality or carefree figures in the media, which sadly seems to be shaping the public's world views in place of parenting absences or moral judgements where many things are becoming either too PC or 'sexualised' since the advent of the internet when people rarely wish to see behind the veil to find true flaws.

    To be honest I have been noticing a cultural shift in celebrity or TV values for the last 10 years (I'm only a year older, lol), in the UK at least where superficial 'celebrities' are given fame and less is heard about their positive aspects outside of 'gossip magazines' ; at times seems to be very little desire to look for local role models (e.g. teachers, neighbours, employers, family) or a lower sense of ambition (in some, not all) where modern generations may seek the jet set lifestyle at any cost.

    *Old soul cynical rant over, operations resume as normal Xd*
    I quite enjoyed your take on it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cetanu View Post
    Yeah, kids these days have sex at 12-13 maybe younger. They also do things like take hard drugs like methamphetamine.

    Why do I know this? I know people who grew up that way.

    What can be done about it? I don't know. I'm sorry.
    Surely meth isn't the norm :p

    Quote Originally Posted by Kayness View Post
    I really fail to a see a problem with that.
    May I ask about how old you are?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eerie View Post
    I don't think it has anything to do with your age, or that you are a prude. I find it disturbing in general to have a porn star be one's role model. Made even more disturbing when it's children. Kind of makes me wonder where the parents are in these situations. I have a six year old daughter, and I know as much as I want to I cannot really shield her from crap like this, but I can be there to educate her and to guide her as best as I can. I think that keeping communication open between child and parent is incredibly important. I also think that there are a lot of overly permissive parents who try too hard to be their child's best friends instead of being a parent, and a role model.
    I had a theory that they might be doing it to get back at their parents for being overly protective. I seriously must read more into child psychology.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jawz View Post
    Something like this would bother me as well - but not too much so. I probably would focus more time in keeping my kids busy/distracted by more important things. I think what lacks sometimes is purpose/objective in life which results in all this wasted time.

    There has to be some sort of balance between nurturing/mentoring kids with a bit of an iron fist versus freedom.

    There's a lot of things that can be controlled and that fall in the domain of parents, and one of the things that we can control as people is what sort of values we inculcate in our children. They don't learn as much from the environment as they do from parents. We can't protect them from every evil, but we can educate them with broader perspectives and answer all their questions openly.

    I mean, if my kid at the age of 13-14 comes up to me and shows me a pic of a pornstar he/she found on the internet [which probably won't happen, so let's say I find it on their computer], I'd probably smirk and tell him/her who it is, what they do, what they're doing means in the grand scheme of society [both good and bad] - and take it from there. Everything is discussable. Nothing should be left unanswered in the mind of the child - but nothing should be forced upon them either [until and unless it's something that's for their own good - like getting good grades - they better get good grades - and participating in healthy extra curricular activities].

    If I find that there are kinks in their development which could result in the misuse of the internet [or them getting misused by others - which is also a possibility], then I'd focus on teaching/mentoring them more and getting them to mature more quickly.
    I like your rationalization, and your solution would seem to be effective.


    I am just worried that with the quality of peers available nowadays, it's no telling what a kid would do to fit in. Not to mention what the generation would be like when my kid is in their teens! *freaking out*
    Jawz thanked this post.

  8. #8

    ^ I think that there is a difference between overly protective and overly permissive. Being one or the other is never a good thing. But there are certainly children near me where parents don't give two shits where they end up in life, or what they do during the day.

    There is a 14 year old on my street. She's pregnant with her second child. Her mother encourages this. That's sort of beyond me. My mother was the opposite though, very very over protective. And while I didn't lash out in my early teens, I did when I first moved out on my own. So I can see where you are coming from with that.

  9. #9

    One of my sociology professors was talking about his struggles as a parent. He was of course very aware of cultural values, and he didn't want his children to grow up being superficial and oversexualized by the filth offered in media, but he was also afraid of sheltering them too much and having them grow up odd and treated like outcasts.

    Maybe parents can focus on teaching their children to look at media objectively. That way they aren't completely cut off from whats going on, but not brainwashed by it like many others either.
    starri, Eerie and Tulipgarden thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Thirteen year olds masturbate. They've been doing it for some while. I agree it's odd to see it publically, but I was swapping magazines with buddies at about the same age, so the basic idea applies.

    That said, pregnancy will get you going on this more emotionally than you might be used to. Even if you were open minded, it'd be hard to not want to scold a 13 year old from dealing porn with other adults.
    starri thanked this post.


 

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